Sat (Fishy's B/Day)

I'm still very tired. I was up much of the night excited about my friends birthday. Friends on the forum are going to her party. She is in the Uk so I couldn't go. I'm not well enough to travel that far. I did call her and it was a delight. She was having a wonderful time. She deserves it. She had every side effect you can have from tx. She just finished up right after me.
I'm still swimming every day. It's been quiet the last two days. So I'm very tired and in bed much of the time. Not much more to say.

Lots happened

Lets see...where to start. My good friend was in California on vacation with her kids. We emailed back on forth all week. I went to Church Sunday and felt so detached with all my old friends. I felt alone. I've been alone. I emailed my friend on how I just don't like it in the ward and want to join the Spanish one. I was feeling so lonely. I forgot she is one of the leaders over the women right now. In our Church we get callings. That is hers right now. I have not had one for so long since I've been sick. So my friend felt bad for the Church letting me down. Usually the laddies when asked will bring in meals for sick people. They would give rides, anything if I just asked. I guess a miscommunication from them thinking my kids were caring for me or I needed privacy. She felt so bad and almost cried when she called. So she came by when she got back from holiday. We hugged and talked. Now many people have taken me to lunch, planned to take me to lunch. I've had dinner brought two nights by the same friend. So nice. Last night the kids went out without eating with me. Tonight we had dinner together. It was so nice to have a whole meal at the kitchen table. To have someone bring it by was fantastic. To eat it together and talk, laugh, be a family was the best gift I could hope for.
Even on treatment when I haven't been myself, it seems the family is forgiving. I'm forgiving. We love each other. I'm sure there will always be trials in my life and the lives of my children. Its good for us.

blood tests

I got my test results back today. Good news. Still HCV negative!! The bad news my red blood count is worse then when I was on tx. No wonder I'm feeling low. I'm feeling at ease knowing its not all in my head. I stayed in bed most of the day after I found that out. I need to heal and be easy on myself.

I wrote that yesterday. Now its Saturday, I'm still quiet in bed exhausted. No emotion. Letting my body do what it wants today. I'll do the same tomorrow after Church. Maybe by Monday I'll have picked up some. I've heard from others that my body has been through a lot having the hep-c and now tx. Thinking I only had a six month duration, I was prepared to get back to life right away. I have these goals I want so much to achieve. Must settle down and wait a bit longer.

I believe this is a small bit of time compared to our eternal progression. And this bit of time has some of the biggest challenges but some of the best rewards if we endure it well. So this storm is not over yet. I am pleased with the inner strength I didn't know I had. I'm also thankful for the others that have endured this storm thats just passed my way. Also those in the storm with me. Its nice to comfort and encourage one another. This history will always be a piece of who I am now.

good times

My son, daughter, her boyfriend, and I were invited to lunch by their Aunt. I was up early so I wouldn't be late. I took a swim and showered. I was the first one ready. When we got to the restaurant I saw Jeff came. He is a good friend of the family. He has very colorful style of humor. He really had me laughing. My uncle was like that. When I was little my uncle was the only one to get me to smile. I was a quiet shy thing. So we had lots of fun and laughter. My daughter's boyfriend passed the test of putting up with us.
I've had a few down days. Must be part of post tx blues. So today was a very good day.

Finding balance

I decided that I need to take my anti=ds each day till I'm stronger. I've been fighting the need to take them. The understanding of how they work, I've had to learn first hand. If not for myself, I need to take them for my family. I've taken a half a day for three days now. That is instead of a half every three days. I'm calming down. Feeling better. I've heard from some others off tx that they still have emotional days. Those coming off tx must remember to be gentle on themselves for a while yet.

I do have more energy. I went swimming tonight. My body is getting stronger. My mind is taking longer. Also I had a couple of difficult years before tx. Some times our emotions are buried and issues come out at the most awkward times.

I believe we need to have balance of mind, body, spirit. Tx has been difficult on all aspects so no wonder we need some time to recover.

Meltdown

Just a little added stress and a couple of bad dreams sent me into a meltdown. Just crying and emotions being felt. I want to explain the meds are still in your body for some time after you quit tx. Some post tx will recover quicker then others. I'm still fragile and feel like this is normal for what I've gone through. I'm strong and will do fine. I'm just worried about my kids seeing me go through this. Poor them. They don't have the maturity to understand and I'm sure it frightens them.
I'm still getting the headaches. It could be the heat. I have lots of energy now. That is a positive.
For now just holding myself together. I love my family so much. I am proud of the kids and how they live their lives. I can hear them downstairs with friends having fun, laughter. That makes me so happy. Things aren't always good. Normal family arguments happen. How I love family life...even the frustration of it all.
I will warn those about the tx that the interferon can play with your mind. Just ride out the storm. It does get better. Some don't get this side effect at all. But be prepared just in case.