I've switched

I've switched to a new blog called coming back from interferon. Its on my main profile.

Its a good morning

I've woken up with better strength. And I've woken early today. I did 10 jumping jacks. So strange that I'm gaining strength so quickly. There is one supplement I'm had begun to take called CoEnzyme Q10. I had some in the house and I felt it would be good. I looked it up in my "Prescription for Nutritional Healing" book, which I love, and it was in the top of essential nutrients for fibromyalgia. I looked it up at the Mayo Clinic website and also shown it to be good for many things. Also again noticed fibromyalgia can be caused by a virus. Hep-c is possible connection. Its also good for the heart and strengthening. I'll carry on with this routine and see if this improvement continues.
I've also been asking in my prayers for help. Also praying for others I know that are suffering effects from hep-c.

Five jumping jacks ....oh yah

I began to drink kava tea at bed time last Saturday to help me sleep. My son's Tongan friends were having fai kava for a funeral and I remembered how kava helps ease pain in muscles. The kava drink made from kava root is safe. The kava kava pills sold at health food stores have been banned in places in Europe becaus of a bad batch.
I was in so much pain all over I asked my son to bring me a cup. Then a second cup to my room as I was needing sleep. It worked very quickly. This went on for two more nights. So I have had a consistent amount of sleep. Now the pain is less. I wanted to find out what I have. Could be some RA but as I looked on-line it looks like it maybe fibromyalgia. They don't know what causes it but as they listed the possible causes, I noticed one was a viral infection. Interesting since many of my post tx friends have this kind of pain.
As I talked to my son today, he just suggested go back to the basics. Eat well, rest a lot, mild to moderate exercise. On Friday I also began to get serious with supplements that I heard would help post tx. I'm taking them like clockwork and recording it. One very important one is V E and omega oils.i'm also taking Co Q10. And other things I'll list later. All this must be helping. I did five jumping jacks on the ground today. I've been doing some on the trampoline. Easier on the tramp.So those five on ground made me very happy. It might not sound like much but it was to me. I showed myself that I am getting better. I might not feel like I am. But I proved to myself I am. Who would think such a thing as doing five jumping jacks would make me tear up with joy. Another tender mercy of God helping me through this.

Called Pegasys Nurse today

I called about this pain post tx....(and why am I surprised?)......the nurse said there are not post tx side effects. She did say the riba could be in me for 6 months. She acted surprised that I was having pain. I guess all my other tx friends shouldn't have pain either. The only thing she ask was are you drinking enough water? But she asked me all kinds of questions like I'll be on a Pegasys watch list.

I did send my son out last night to buy a bag of kava at the Tongans. I felt like I was asking him to fetch me a bag of weed. I had a cup of the kava juice and slept well.

I'm very disappointed to find out its illegal in most of Europe because of a bad batch of kava pills. I'm sure pet food from China is still legal. And of course cigs and beer. Kava drinking has been done for centuries for the Polynesians. There have not been any problems untill the kava pills were made. I wonder if its ok to order the kava and have it mailed to the uk. I did see a web site offering kava to mailed to the UK. Its from fiji.

I feel like I'm normalizing some now. I'm tired....but I had not slept much for a couple of weeks so it feels good to be tired.

A friend (a older gentleman) told me I needed to get a 8-5 job. Yes ok, but I'm not ready. I would like him to walk a mile in my shoes before making that judgment. But like the saying goes....its not my business what others think of me. Let it go. So I'll just say thanks for the advice but no thanks. I know what I'm doing.

Kava

I did get some sleep the last couple of nights from a kava drink made by Tongans. My son has a Tongan friend and he is like my son also. Once a Tongan friend that is a friend for life. It was the only thing to give me relief from my pain. Thank you Tongan friends. You can google it to find out about it. The pill form can be dangerous to the liver as leaves and tops of the kava plant may be accidentally added. But preparing the kava root into a drink is perfectly safe.

It is a plant used for ceremonies on the Islands. It relaxes the muscles but your mind stays clear. You feel very social but mellow when you drink it.

I had the pill form prescribed once fron my doctor years ago for stress.

I'm so thankful this helps my pain. I feel it working now and will go to sleep. The effects are short so I hope to sleep through the night.

Goodnite friends

xxx Humble

Dear Ross (Post I almost wrote to Ross

hi Ross,

I need you're opinion too please. I'm in so much pain also.
right now I can't get any test for RA. My ins. has a waiver on my policy
because of back surgery 24 years ago....when I think I got hep-c, but that is a unknown also.My insurence will not pay for anything bone related....its so stupid. stupid, stupid. And yes, it makes no sense.\

They have a way of confusing you so I never know for sure. So I wrote them a letter telling them its time to remove the waiver. I haven't seen a doctor for my back for years. hopefully I'll get them to remove it, so I can have complete coverage.

So I can't go find out that I have or don't have RA officially. But I have a feeling I don't.
I sound like a poor soul here but I have pain all over from my little toe to my fingers.
I looked back on my blog and saw that the first part of post tx was sleeping ,tired, headaches
Then I went through a hyper stage, doing a lot, reconnecting with friends, lots of stimulus, excitement
Then I stopped sleeping at night, too much excitement , then came the pain.six weeks after last ribas.
Its either fibromyalgia .....since lack of sleep can trigger this (I'm almost convinced this can be hep-c related or arthitius (but I don't think RA can hurt so bad)
I can't even stay in the bath long...I feel like I want to jump out of my skin.
Sorry to wine......I hardly complained on tx....funny how this bothers me. On tx I knew what that was and we all had most of the same sides. This is a unknown and I'm one of those that wants to understand everything.
Like one of those kids that said why is the sky blue.....ha ha
Also would be nice to help the others that are having the same post tx pain. I saw your post that 20 percent get arthitus from tx. Maybe my insurence will cover it if caused from tx. I certainly never felt like this before tx.

In the meantime I'm beginning a detailed journal of what I eat and pills I take. Could foods triger this. I'll find out.

Funny if I went through all this trouble and it went away be itself....just a detox process. : )

Thanks Ross
xxxHumble

trial and error

I'm experiencing much pain from post tx. Sat. night I had a cup of kava drink and it took away the pain for a couple of hours. I had another cup of it later and I feel asleep. First time I sleep for any length of time for awhile. It was wonderful.
I made some again last night and it was stronger so only needed a couple of sips. I was able to do that and have a hot bath, and I slept again. Again, a tender mercy.
when I wake I feel the pain all over once again. Today I had visiting teaching to do. I took a sip of the kava juice and left the house. Once again its helping the pain.
I know kava kava ,the supplement was thought to show liver damage. The FDA has not confirmed that. And I'm not using the processed pill form but the natural kava root that I personally make into a tea. I'm quite sure its better then tylonal which definitely causes liver damage.
I have an appointment with my friends daughter who just got her massage therapist degree. She'll be coming Thursday to give me a massage. I'm quite certain this will help the pain. There are others on the forum that also suffer from after tx pain. If I can find something to help me, it may also help them.
So far I can recommend kava drink if they can find a Tongan to buy some kava root from.

Other sides have disappeared. Just the stiffness and pain remands. There is an occational headache that comes at time. But much less then it was.

Pills

i'm in lots of pain. I'm just going to take my pills like I have been plus adding supplements. This has been a mistake trying to change it so quickly. Getting off all my pills is a goal for me this next year. I think my body has some adjusting yet to do. So far I've been thrilled to have the brain fog lift. Now I have to wait till the pain eases up. The difficult part is not sleeping at night. I feel is the sleeping would come then I'd heal quicker.

I may have had hep-c longer then I thought. Although it could have been the blood transfusion, I also had lots of medical procedures when I was a kid. This was at the VA hospital. : (
I was sick a lot. My mom would run me to the doctor with a sniffle. But it would always be step throat and I'd have injectins of pennisellion. Another time I had stomach problems and had tests at Mayo Clinic. Very unpleasent test. Its no wonder I stay away from doctors as much as possible. Look at me now on all these pills. : ( Doctors, can't live with out them but make sure you turn down some of the pills unless you MUST have them. I'm at a low point that I must have them. But I'm positive the coming year will be a good one. : )

Slow down

I slept better last night. I was not doing anything today but forgot about a doctors appointment. Also my daughter went to the dentist and wanted me with her.
My GP doctor told me it could be the codine causing me to be hyper. Now that I'm not so sick its changing. I already knew this could be the case so I'm going to continue what I was doing anyway. Taking a half of codine and one darvon. I will soon switch over to the darvon and codine only for extreme pain. He agreed that calcium/magnisium helps my pain in my muscles and I need to take it a few times a day. He gave me some valium to get a good nights sleep for a few nights.
Our dentist wanted to do some filing on my teeth. They look better now. He was so nice and good with my daughter. He used to teach her SS so they already knew each other. And the doctor and dentist were walking distance and next door to each other. My son left to physical therepy went I got home. He told me he's getting sick.
My headaches are terrible and I can only get rid of them with asperin. I'm just thankful I can get rid of them.
The world is falling apart with the financial markets but I have lots to be thankful for.

6 weeks post tx.

Ok, I had too much excitement like a child on Christmas eve. I havn't slept for three nights. I'm feeling good, going out, going to Church events, seeing old friends that I hadn't seen since before tx. I've become good friends and a sister with my=sister=inlaw. Too many good things. The Bishop in class a couple of weeks ago asked us if we knew our neighbors. He asked if they would come to us when their hearts are broken? Told us to love our neighbors. I had a mental check to know my neighbors and the opportunity came when I saw my neighbor across the street doing things in her yard. She was upset about some things. I listened to her and tried to help her. I found out so much I didn't know. I didn't know her son died 6 years ago for one thing. Didn't know her husband was sick and needed a job. She learned about me and now we are better friends. I know now she might come to me when she needs help. We have each I others numbers now. It does feel good to know your neighbor.

I went to lunch with another new friend. We have known of each other in Church but finally found out about each other. Another friend going through a trial and found the hand of God working in her life. Friends old and new.
I've had great fun with my Brit/Aussie friends on Nomads. I have a bond and love with that group.I look forward to meeting them. One of them named Fishy stands out. She had every side there was. She was always cute about it and positive. They all had their own personalities that came through cyberspace.

After being so sick and feeling alone, its a lot very fast.I'm in post tx and need a little more time. I need to settle down and have a good nights sleep. My daughter may get married. Who knows? Maybe my son. So much that I must be careful and pull back from so much stimulation so quickly. I must watch my health or I'll crash again. I'm feeling almost manic...the other side of depression. Its a combination of all the happiness and the meds adjusting. I'm walking faster, doing things that must be done. My brain fog is much better.
Other things in the world are terrible. The economy is bad, employment worse. But I feel peace...the peace from doing all the good I can and knowing God loves me and has a plan for me. I know he does for anyone that just reaches out...even if it begins with a simple prayer. Miracles happen but some take time.
I'm grateful for all these blessing and the knowledge we are children of God.
Now I must take a hot bath and drink some sleepy time tea and try once again to sleep!

very busy..plus...Charity talk

I've been busy just getting things in order. Fishy, my friend and tx buddy asked if I was Mormon (LDS). Yes and thats part of the reason I've become busy and I'm not working yet. I've been well enough to attend all my Sunday meetings. There are three. So that is a three hour time block. One of the meetings is the womens group. We have songs, and then a lesson. Another is Sunday School with scripture lessons. Its always good. I'm very much into the history of the people in the scriptures. Its amazing to me how people are basically the same as they were then. Its nice to learn and be spiritually fed. I'm going to Institute class on Tuesday mornings. There is a large group that go and lots of wisdom there. I also attend the Temple once a week. I have someone bringing me lunch on Tuesday and Thursday. I have been taken out to lunch a couple days a week. Reconnecting with friends and telling them about hep-c. I'm learning about their trials that are very difficult also. my friend Susan gave this talk last Sunday.I had to leave to collect my son at the airport. Hope she doesn't mind me sharing it. Its about Charity and it was very good. I'm getting the spiritual nutrition that I need. During tx I was well enough to say my prayers and not much else. Also swimming each day. On top of all that, I keep up with Nomads forum. Went on Chat on Sat night. Had a great time. I want to stay involved with those special dear friendships I've made there. Here is Susans talk from Sunday on Charity. Note the Parable of the Garbage truck towards the end.




Good morning brothers and sisters. We have been asked as the Relief Society Presidency to speak to you today on the subject of Charity.

I am grateful, not necessarily to stand before you and speak today, but for the opportunity to prepare for this talk. I think I have read and studied every talk and article printed on lds.org that contained the word “charity”, and read every scripture reference from the topical guide. But more importantly I am grateful for the refining process that has been mine this week as I have tried to live and exercise this great theme of charity, and live my life in accordance to the Father’s will for me.

Charity is in many ways a misunderstood word. We often think of charity in terms of visiting the sick, taking in a meal to those in need or sharing our excess with the less fortunate. True charity is much more.

There are many well-known scriptures that identify and describe charity. I remember reading as a non-member child in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, as Paul talks on the importance of charity. He closes the chapter with verse 13, that reads….”And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three: but the greatest of these is charity.” This chapter can be cross-referenced with chapter 8 in Moroni, which will be discussed later.

The bible dictionary defines charity as…..the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; but the pure love of Christ. It should never be used to denote aims or deeds or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive. Preach My Gospel further defines charity as a gift from God.

To be able to develop this gift of charity, it is important to understand what is meant by “the pure love of Christ”. It is critical to understand this because we are told in 2 Nephi 26:30 that God has given a commandment that “all men should have charity or they are nothing.” Moroni 10:21 goes as far as saying that we cannot be saved in the kingdom of God unless we have charity. Charity is essential for our exaltation.

In a talk entitled the “Love of Christ” by Elder C. Max Caldwell of the Seventy, he discusses ‘love of Christ’ or charity as possibly having 3 different dimensions. They are a love for Christ, a love from Christ and love like Christ.

First, a love for Christ. This concept proclaims Jesus as the object of our love. Because of this love our lives should be an external expression of our gratitude for him. How deeply do we love Him? Does our love depend on favorable circumstances? Is it diminished or strengthened by our life’s experiences or trials? Is our love for him evident by our behavior and our attitude? Charity or love for Christ sustains us in every need and should influence us in every decision. As you continue to receive the Savior’s perfect love and as you demonstrate that Christlike love for others, you will find that your love increases. You will experience the joy of being in the Lord’s service.

The second dimension of the meaning of charity that Elder Caldwell discusses is love from Christ. Through his compliance with the requirements of the Atonement, Jesus Christ offered the ultimate expression of his love, by laying down his life for the world. Ether 12:34 states that “This love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity.” Part of the gift of charity is to be able to recognize the Lord’s hand and feel His love in all that surrounds us.

The third dimension of charity is to possess a love like Christ. Jesus Christ is the perfect example of charity. Jesus’ love was evident in everything he did during his short mortal ministry, a life full of service and sacrifice, always showing tender compassion. As we study the life of Christ and keep his commandments we can become more like him and learn to see others through his eyes. The characteristics of the natural man will leave us and will be replaced by the heart and mind of Christ. The life of the Savior reflects his pure love for all people. As we become more fully converted to Christ we begin to treat others with patience and kindness and acceptance. Elder Gene R Cook stated that “charity calls upon us to purify our inner feelings and change our hearts to make our outward actions and appearance conform to what we say we believe and feel inside. Not to force others to do better but to inspire them to be better.”

People who have true charity exercise all three of these concepts; they have a love for the Savior, have received of his love, and love others as he does.

Having joined the church 15 years ago, the prophet that I identify most with is President Hinckley. Was there ever a better example of charity than sweet President Hinckley who gently and prophetically reminded us to “be a little kinder, a little more patient, a little better, a little more helpful, a little more forgiving, and a little more nobler in the daily affairs of life.” Did you realize all those times, that he was asking to exercise the gift of charity? He was even exercising charity in the way he asked, he never demanded and he only ever asked for a little.

A couple of weeks ago, I received one of those “thought for the day” type emails, that I now call the “Parable of the Garbage Truck”. For the sake of time I will quickly summarize it. It told of a gentleman who in the course of his normal work day was verbally attacked through no fault of his own. He sat there and smiled and accepted the tirade. When asked later by someone who witnessed what had occurred why he had not stood up to the person and explained it wasn’t his fault. He responded, that the person obviously was having a very bad day, maybe even a bad life and had a lot of toxic feelings that he needed to unload. If he could be that person’s garbage truck that day than he was happy to do so. Someday we may be someone’s garbage truck and some days we will need someone to be ours. From personal experience I have learned that although we all may have our ‘game faces’ on, behind every closed door is someone’s personal heartache.

One of my favorite hymns is “As Sisters in Zion”, the second verse reads: “The errand of angels is given to women, and this is a gift that as sisters, we claim”. I pray that in my life and especially in this calling, that as a daughter of God, I can always be worthy of this great gift of charity that has been given and entrusted to me and that I might always exercise it on His behalf to answer prayers and to bless and lift those around me.

Parable of the Cracked Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am shamed
of myself, and I want to apologize to you." Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said. The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this
beauty to grace his house."

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there. There is a lot of good in us! Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it--if it hadn't been for the crackpots in my life, it would have been pretty boring and not so interesting...

Author Unknown

Brain fog lifting

Friday, Saturday and Sunday I was more then tired, I was very sleepy. Although I had much to accomplish, I chose to stay in bed most of the days sleeping. That is one thing I learned from the liver doctor, that the liver regenerates when you sleep. Its very important. So I felt like my body knew what it needed and I allowed myself to sleep without guilt. I've continued to swim once each day. After lots of sleeping, I know am feeling much better. My mind is clearing. Words come to me. Its so odd. The brain fog seemed to be part of who I was. Now I'm very chatty, almost wanting to talk non-stop.
I've been able to spend some time with my kids. I needed that. Going through tx I felt a disconnect. I think it was the medication and the brain fog. Seems like now I'm able to put my feelings in the words I couldn't find before.
Still seems like I need to listen to my body. Tonight I was invited out but after I was dressed I realized that was more then I was able to handle. I just called and told my friends I wasn't able to go. A headache was coming on. Must remember to drink the water. I still need to have discipline with my supplements, food, water, sleep, exercise.
Still feel that I'm fragile and must be careful or I'll pay the price.

Thursday

Today I woke up early to go do Temple work. My daughter and I argued. My fault, not feeling good. When I got to the Temple I realized my eyes hurt and could barely keep them open. So I went home. I was exhausted and went to bed. Seems like my body clock is out of whack. The doorbell woke me and there were two ladies from Church with lunch for me. They were dressed so beautiful. Both these laddies are beautiful already inside and out. Here I am with my dirty house coat on again. They saw me at my worse. Thats ok, its real life. And these two friends are always so lovely. But I was so tired and couldn't talk to them for more then a minute. It made me realize how lonely I am. Wish they hadn't come so early. I have my internet forum friends and I'm so grateful for them, but really would love to call them...so send numbers people. We can cheer each other up. Anyway, I ate some of the lunch,then went right back to bed. Don't know if I was fatigued or facing a new depression coming on. Its difficult to tell. I saw a friend on facebook that shared with me his HCV is back. That was his second go around. He has the same genotype as me. I think hearing this made me sad for him and his family. It makes me sad for all of us with this virus.
Today I was so tired I stayed in bed. I made myself go swim. It was almost 2100 by then. My arms had little strength and I could only do two laps. What is happening to me? I finished my meds over a month ago and I felt worse today. I've been told again and again to be patient. I must be easy on myself. I must be. Even pushing myself is not working. writing tonight is difficult. I didn't think I could till I started writting then needed to express some feelings about the day.

Today I also watched a youtube video from this film writer/director who got hep-c. I learned more about this virus. The name hep-c is so misleading and he told of how it almost got its own name because of this. It should have since its so different from hep a or hep b. This virus also affects many organs. This video explains it in a wonderful way. After watching this, I am thankful to find out I had this virus. So many have it and they don't know it. I'm also afraid of getting it back. Now at the doctor, dentist, and anywhere someone pokes me, I'll ask lots of questions. This man in the video got hcv from having gum work at the dentist. I also warned my daughter to bring her own tools when getting a pedicure. Also her own polish.

I'm amazed I have this virus that the public knows little about. Also has a sigma attached. I'm doing my best to tell others to get tested. This test is not part of most physicals in the U.S. That must change. I'm lucky my doctor tested me for this or I would be going through life thinking I'm just getting old and tired.

Tuesday .....better

Yesterday my Sister in law called. Through the conversation I realized I needed calcium=magnesium. I took some supplements and also drank a couple of protein smoothies. Before bed I took a hot bath with bath salts. I had no pain by the time I went to sleep. I slept throughout the night. Woke up with a headache, I drank more water plus taking more of the calcium. I'm just doing the things I feel may work. Seems to be helping. I did swim tonight but I shortened the duration of the swim. I will again try the hot bath to help soreness and helping me sleep.

A friend from Church brought lunch by for me. I hadn't seen her for a long time. We talked just a minute. It was nice to see her and have her bring food. Someone will be bringing me lunch on Tuesday and Thursday. So nice. I had to learn to let people serve me. This has taken some pressure off of me for lunches. And I get to see some friends I haven't seen for a long time. Even if I'm wearing my house coat.

Still Monday Sept 1

I want to post how I'm feeling. The news is not good. Not well at all. I have had very little sleep for three nights. Last night I was in so much pain, my pain pills wouldn't work. My pain was still a ten. It may be pain from my muscles breaking down. I've been swimming each day, some times twice a day. Then I began to take walks. I haven't done so much for 6 months so maybe its a normal response to exercise. In some ways I feel like I'm still on tx by the unknown of how I'll feel each day. I think I'll take a hot bath with mineral salts and see if it helps tonight. Strange it almost feels like the riba feeling has come back. Harder to breathe. MYS told me the ribas take a while to get out of our system. Next week I should be improving. I'm glad I'm posting so much. It will be interesting to look back on tx and the daily battle.

Monday (Family Home Evening lesson)

In my home we have a night called Family Home Evening. That is a night the family or friends do an activity or lesson followed by a dessert. Since my life is reflected on this blog I thought I'd post the lesson I've given or been given on Mondays. (Sorry can't get the dessert to you : )



ATTITUDE
Saturday September 20, 2003
The following story was taken from a post made in the LDS forums:
The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window.

"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged.. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it ... "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in .. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Sat (Fishy's B/Day)

I'm still very tired. I was up much of the night excited about my friends birthday. Friends on the forum are going to her party. She is in the Uk so I couldn't go. I'm not well enough to travel that far. I did call her and it was a delight. She was having a wonderful time. She deserves it. She had every side effect you can have from tx. She just finished up right after me.
I'm still swimming every day. It's been quiet the last two days. So I'm very tired and in bed much of the time. Not much more to say.

Lots happened

Lets see...where to start. My good friend was in California on vacation with her kids. We emailed back on forth all week. I went to Church Sunday and felt so detached with all my old friends. I felt alone. I've been alone. I emailed my friend on how I just don't like it in the ward and want to join the Spanish one. I was feeling so lonely. I forgot she is one of the leaders over the women right now. In our Church we get callings. That is hers right now. I have not had one for so long since I've been sick. So my friend felt bad for the Church letting me down. Usually the laddies when asked will bring in meals for sick people. They would give rides, anything if I just asked. I guess a miscommunication from them thinking my kids were caring for me or I needed privacy. She felt so bad and almost cried when she called. So she came by when she got back from holiday. We hugged and talked. Now many people have taken me to lunch, planned to take me to lunch. I've had dinner brought two nights by the same friend. So nice. Last night the kids went out without eating with me. Tonight we had dinner together. It was so nice to have a whole meal at the kitchen table. To have someone bring it by was fantastic. To eat it together and talk, laugh, be a family was the best gift I could hope for.
Even on treatment when I haven't been myself, it seems the family is forgiving. I'm forgiving. We love each other. I'm sure there will always be trials in my life and the lives of my children. Its good for us.

blood tests

I got my test results back today. Good news. Still HCV negative!! The bad news my red blood count is worse then when I was on tx. No wonder I'm feeling low. I'm feeling at ease knowing its not all in my head. I stayed in bed most of the day after I found that out. I need to heal and be easy on myself.

I wrote that yesterday. Now its Saturday, I'm still quiet in bed exhausted. No emotion. Letting my body do what it wants today. I'll do the same tomorrow after Church. Maybe by Monday I'll have picked up some. I've heard from others that my body has been through a lot having the hep-c and now tx. Thinking I only had a six month duration, I was prepared to get back to life right away. I have these goals I want so much to achieve. Must settle down and wait a bit longer.

I believe this is a small bit of time compared to our eternal progression. And this bit of time has some of the biggest challenges but some of the best rewards if we endure it well. So this storm is not over yet. I am pleased with the inner strength I didn't know I had. I'm also thankful for the others that have endured this storm thats just passed my way. Also those in the storm with me. Its nice to comfort and encourage one another. This history will always be a piece of who I am now.

good times

My son, daughter, her boyfriend, and I were invited to lunch by their Aunt. I was up early so I wouldn't be late. I took a swim and showered. I was the first one ready. When we got to the restaurant I saw Jeff came. He is a good friend of the family. He has very colorful style of humor. He really had me laughing. My uncle was like that. When I was little my uncle was the only one to get me to smile. I was a quiet shy thing. So we had lots of fun and laughter. My daughter's boyfriend passed the test of putting up with us.
I've had a few down days. Must be part of post tx blues. So today was a very good day.

Finding balance

I decided that I need to take my anti=ds each day till I'm stronger. I've been fighting the need to take them. The understanding of how they work, I've had to learn first hand. If not for myself, I need to take them for my family. I've taken a half a day for three days now. That is instead of a half every three days. I'm calming down. Feeling better. I've heard from some others off tx that they still have emotional days. Those coming off tx must remember to be gentle on themselves for a while yet.

I do have more energy. I went swimming tonight. My body is getting stronger. My mind is taking longer. Also I had a couple of difficult years before tx. Some times our emotions are buried and issues come out at the most awkward times.

I believe we need to have balance of mind, body, spirit. Tx has been difficult on all aspects so no wonder we need some time to recover.

Meltdown

Just a little added stress and a couple of bad dreams sent me into a meltdown. Just crying and emotions being felt. I want to explain the meds are still in your body for some time after you quit tx. Some post tx will recover quicker then others. I'm still fragile and feel like this is normal for what I've gone through. I'm strong and will do fine. I'm just worried about my kids seeing me go through this. Poor them. They don't have the maturity to understand and I'm sure it frightens them.
I'm still getting the headaches. It could be the heat. I have lots of energy now. That is a positive.
For now just holding myself together. I love my family so much. I am proud of the kids and how they live their lives. I can hear them downstairs with friends having fun, laughter. That makes me so happy. Things aren't always good. Normal family arguments happen. How I love family life...even the frustration of it all.
I will warn those about the tx that the interferon can play with your mind. Just ride out the storm. It does get better. Some don't get this side effect at all. But be prepared just in case.

My stylist

Can still over do it.

I didn't sleep well last night. Today, I felt so tired. Managed to swim but that is all. There was socializing with the kids. My daughter went through photos of me she had on line to get me a different profile photo. They were from her camera and I hadn't seen these. She also helped me go through my clothes. She is now officially my wardrobe stylist. I'm glad my daughter has talent in this department. So, I need a do over. We decided to wait another month since my size is shrinking. My body has been through a lot and is still trying to adjust to a new me. I've had the virus for 23 years. What will happen now? I don't know. I only hope to feel well and do good in my life.

Monday and getting a job!!

My daughter woke me last night to tell me she was watching the meteorites with friends till early morning. My son went out with a group to do this too. I would have preferred a note instead of being woken up. So I was grouchy. Be the time I got back to sleep it was in the middle of the night. My health is still fragile. I woke at eleven this morning. My daughter woke me to read scriptures. We have begun to read them each day as a family. My son wasn't home as he was a physical therapy for his knee. When he came home we read them. I love reading them and liken them to today. We are reading in the Book of Mormon which is stories of the Americas. Theses are accounts of ancient people here and prophets that led them. Anyway we started reading in a part called Alma. It make me think of Russian bombing Georgia. The part we were reading about was war of a large group trying to destroy a smaller group. The part we're reading was interesting as the ways of their warfare. Especially the small group outsmarting the large one. After we read a chapter, we talked a bit about daily things, then went our own ways. First I went for a swim. Then I went to a Mexican/American owned business to help with setting up quickbook. This guy told me he'd pay me for this job and I can do this at my own pace. This just happened randomly. I've helped this guy out before with some technical problems so he asked me to help with this. I also want to train myself on quickbook for my own business I hope to have later. I texted my kids about getting a payed job. Im so happy. Its been a worry to me about getting income since taking so much time off with hep-c treatment. This guy being part Mexican is more layed back so perfect for my health. He just said whenever I feel like doing it is fine. Can't ask for better then that. I bought the software for him and I'm studying the manual now at home.

Sunday (favorite day of the week)

I sleep in late. My body must have needed it. Sunday. Since I missed my family ward I went to Church at my son and daughter's young singles ward. Everyone that goes to the single wards are obviously single. There is one for my age by its too far. Since I'm not young I sat in the foyer to take sacrament. They play it on a speaker so I could hear them from in the Chapel. They have these wards so the young adults can meet up as they go to Church. They have activities through out the week. They even have a singles ward in London at the Hyde Park Building where I went. It was quite large. Today I did get a complement from my son that I had a nice suit on. I got a maron skirt at goodwill (charity shop). Its Ann Taylors and very nice.(I don't always have luck at those places) I put my on my white short sleeve suit jacket with it. Added some cute white sandals with heels. I had my hair down and my son complimented my my hair. I put it up again in a pony tail. Its too hot to wear it down. I'm still losing hair but my hair was so thick it looks better then before. I don't need to be talking about my looks but after tx my self esteem could use some compliments. So here I go being vain. I really shouldn't be. It doesn't matter. After this serious tx I feel different then before. Little things mean more now. Saying hi to the store clerk means a lot. Sometimes I think they could be working with hep-c and not know. Its on my mind a lot.
After Church today I came home and ate. I then watched the BYU channel. They had some good devotional talks on today. And I took my usual Sunday nap.
I'm feeling tired but I have always used Sunday to rest. I think its helped me with my hep-c to always have this one day to rest. This is just my normal Sunday tired feeling. Next week will be my second week off interferon. I'll see how I feel. Hopefully no nightmares will haunt my dreams.

Day 5

I didn't swim last night but did this morning. First morning without a headache. I was going to do some work for this friends shop. Couldn't find him so thats delayed and I'm glad to get out of it for today.

Had a bad night. Not due to my illness but something just as deadly. I had a nightmare about my ex (harms people like hep-c in human form) He was a con man that I married for 1.5 years. He opened up credit accounts in my name towards the end. Although I made a police report they didn't go after him. Although the case is still open. It's not easy in the US to prosecute a spouse. He was also on every internet dating site during our marriage. Having affairs. He had eight kids. I accepted them all. He went to Church. Was all a cover or he is so sick he can't tell right from wrong. He could be another jack the ripper for all I know. Would not surprise me. I feel emotionally raped. He is a lier and also a sex addict. People a sex addict is not someone that likes sex. Its a whole other dark side. It brings a coldness to a man or woman. Its too much to tell. Only his first wife and I know this darkness. So last night I had a nightmare about him. I went to turn on the house alarm while I slept. I accidentally pushed the panic button so the police had to come even though I called to stop them. And my eye still looks bloody from blood leakage because I took aspirin. So the officer checked my house. This nightmare has shaken me up. He still is out there doing harm. And women are his victims. He is using a military ID to get around on flights to the UK. He is dishonored discharged from the Navy. I didn't know that till I filled the police report. He also falsified documents to get into LSE and where we lived in London. I didn't know till I had the laptop checked over. I haven't told them because I needed tx and I wanted to be finished with this horrible mess maker. I will try to turn all over to authorities. He could have ruined me but I'm a tough one.
I went out to do an errand and thinking about the nightmare and him brought uncontrolled sobbing. I will just stay home till I'm not shook up. I'll be alright. He has sealed his fate. He has just made a problem for me to forgive and forget him. One problem is everytime I watch the news and see one of these guys that pop-off their wives I think of him. I'm so blessed that didn't happen. He tried to get life insurance on me. I found the papers. He would have trouble because of my hep-c. The main thing is I'm safe, he is gone, I found out about him and got out of the marriage fast. Its obvious I have some work to do or I won't have such horrible nightmares. His first wife and I compare our dreams. She is Native American and I'm part Native American. We both believe in our dreams telling us things. I called her but I remembered shes up seeing her mom on the reservation. No phone service there.

Day 4 of post tx

I got up to swim and by the time the daily headache was better my son was out by the pool. I just like to be alone. I did an errand and came home. I took a quarter of an anti-d. Then had stomach problems from the anti=d. That took a couple of hours to subside. I took a half of an anti d a few days ago. I will continue to take a quarter every few days and see how I do. I won't rush it. I'll go for a evening swim which will be very tranquil. I want to go to California next week but my eye is still bloody looking. Not attractive. I want to go to a Church Singles activity while in California. I like the people there. Here they are all in Clicks. Its like high school. Maybe its like that everywhere and I just haven't noticed. My tx buddy hepkittie went to Naples for her celebratory post tx trip. She has Italians around her and that is like adrenaline. So she should be getting energy just from her surroundings. Can't wait to hear about her trip.

Next day

Last night very achy. Maybe from swimming.
Woke up with bad headache again. Got up and saw myself in the mirror. My right eye was bloody. My mistake was taking the aspirin for the headaches too soon. That thins the blood. I'll get my bloods done next week. I had the blood orders sent in the mail. I canceled my appointment today for the GI doctor. No use paying 50 dollars for my weight and blood pressure. I will see my primary doctor next week for pain meds and b12 shot. This next year my goal will be to come off the pain meds or get on a lower dose.

I did swim this morning. Felt great. Still had headache so went back to bed. Had nice talk with the kids today. Nice to talk to them about who they're dating and their lives. Nice to have that closeness. During tx my mental state was so much worse. They didn't want to talk to me much during tx as you never know how I'd react or what I'd say. The one thing that helped me feel the closeness from the family was having family prayer each day. So simple and yet so many benefits. I remember when they were little and we'd have family prayer before they went off to school. It was nice. We all liked it. Sorry, getting off track but maybe not. That was part of tx and it helped me stay bonded to the family.

I went swimming again this afternoon. Only did a few laps. My muscles were aching last night. I have to remember my blood will take a little time to level off so I need to be careful. I will try drinking more water tonight. That may help the headaches.

Day 2 of 1 week post tx.

I'm going to keep writing in this blog. Hopefully the post tx part of this blog will give hope to others. Thats what I'm counting on. I woke this morning with a horrid headache. Yesterday I swam and then showered and went to the Temple. Was tired all night. As I woke, I was sick in bed till about noon. I had enough of the sickness. So I took an excedrin. They are good for headaches but have aspirin in them. Couldn't take it during tx. I just took one and it did the trick. So I went for another swim. Swimming is best for your joints since you are weightless. Also it uses all the muscles at once. Its the lazy mans workout. Thats me. :) Maybe I'll sweat some of the toxins out of me in that heat. Of course it gave me a headache again.
The guy that takes care of the pool came by. He has hep-c and his brother also has it. After seeing his brother go through a year of tx and not have success, he does not want to tx. I talked to him today to show him I'm doing great (maybe not in the head). I told him about Nomads support but he isn't interested for awhile. Seems timing is everything for tx. Next time I'll tell him I'll talk to his brother if he'd like.

Good beautiful moment

You know the beautiful moments you have. Maybe a sunset or watching children play. I have one of the sweetest just now and only because of all I've been through for 6 months. I found my swim suit from a couple of years ago. I had thought I got rid of it. Its my favorite suit so happy it was still here. I put it on and it fit. Another happy moment. I put on lots of sunscreen and went into the pool for a swim. It felt so good, I can't tell you how good it felt. And went I got out it felt even better. I had that good buzz in my head from real exercise.

Pool surfing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCajzn5PV8s&feature=email


The guy in the suit is Travis. My son is video taping. I love the contrast of the swimming pool as the background, but instead of wearing a swim clothes he wears a business suit. He is pool surfing and then doing flips and dives. Good music in the background. Its a feel good video. And his Dad (a builder) has a nice pool.

Attitude (wanted to share this)

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and
noticed she had only three hairs on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in
the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.'H-M-M,' she said,
'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.' So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.' So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'

Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain!!!!

Have a Great Day!

Last shot #24 just a little thank you prayer.

I thought I'd feel good and happy. I am but I have pain tonight. I cooked on Sat and Sun, cleaned up. Then I cooked a key lime pie today. I don't know why I'm doing this. I just don't want to eat out so I'm cooking.All of this cooking makes my back hurt more. So instead of being happy, I'm grouchy. I'm sure by morning I'll be fine. On my good days I do crazy things like cook homemade food. I was tired of going to this mexican restaurant...and I was craving it so I got everything to make homemade salsa. I cut up everything. And I made breakfast burritos. I must be crazy. I don't accept I'm sick till I drop down in my bed and then I can't move...like right now. I did too much, I did too much, I did too much. I can't move and now a headache coming on.
Do not let this scare you. I am doing tx my own way. I was a cowgirl growing up so I just don't believe in being sick in bed. I needed to be tied down or in a straight jacket. Most of this is my fault for overdoing things. Also its been 110 to 116 all summer. That is hard on the normal, healthy population, so I'm proud of myself for doing as well as I did in this heat.

Nomad Hep-c forum (THANK YOU!!)

One place I'm grateful for is the Nomad Hep-c forum group. The people on there are good people. I think finding each other was no accident.Its like we were met to connect with each other. I wouldn't have had as easy of a time on tx without them. It was hard enough and to have a group that understands exactly how you feel and you understand how they feel......its a huge blessing.
There are other groups in the U.S. I just think the UK nomad group have a progressive mind of their own concerning health care. I fit in better there. Also they are always polite and respectful.


That is hepcnomads.co.uk

Once again THANK YOU Nomads!!!

Feeling peace

This is the link to the man we called in. He was found and arrested.
> http://www.azcentral.com/php-bin/clicktrack/email.php/8199436

Today I'm feeling quite good. The Zantac (the popular name for the pills I'm taking for stomach pain from the anti-d) is working great. I have no problems with that anymore. But now I've added a pill to a pill that I added to my tx. I feel like I'm on pills all day. It will be nice to be done with some of them.
I'm still saying my prayers. I'm so much happier, more grateful, my daughter is spending more time with me. We are becoming closer in our relationship. How something so small can make a huge difference. It just does. Today I got out old videos of the kids when they were babies.My son, daughter and I watched a couple of them. One of them their Dad was taking the video. He was talking to the kids (babies). My son was 2 1/2 years and my daughter 8 months old. My husband died one month later. Then we watched one after their father died. I could tell I was sad in the video. It was hard to hold myself together for the kids sake. I was also thinking how I must have gotten Hep-c by then. I had my son c-section, then the back surgery 7 months later (I got blood then), then I got had my daughter c-section again. Then my husband dies 8 months later. I was so thin. Just interesting to look back to see me at the time I may have received hep-c. I'm so much healthier now. Even on tx. Strange. I did drink and smoke back then. I quit about 15 years ago. So glad I did having hep-c. It was because of the Church I decided to visit. Its the Mormon Church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.My kids were ages four and six. The instant we walked in and heard everyone singing we all felt something good. We all loveed the Church and the people there right away. I just didn't know if I could fit in. But as I found out all kinds of personality's fit in. Everyone is unique. Everyone one of us is a child of God. One thing I noticed here was I liked the teenagers. They were polite and seemed happy for teenagers. Very different. I liked it that they didn't drink or smoke. They had a healthy lifestyle. Addictions run in my husbands family genes so I was impressed that these kids can have fun without drinking. As I looked at my little ones who were free spirits....like their mom and dad, I knew this would be good for them. As we went we all felt at home and welcomed there. We went and I looked into it for a year and then we joined. The more I knew the better it became. The members have always helped me when needed. I was so poor back then. Someone would always drop off some groceries for me or come by to cut my lawn. I needed my bills payed sometimes. As a single mom I will always be grateful for those that helped me during those hard times. I was sick a lot and now I realize it could have been hep-c. My health improved as time went on after I changed my lifestyle to a healthier one. Those in the medical community are becoming more familiar with symptoms of hep-c. A short while back they only thought fatigue was a common symptom. I and many others believe there is more to it then that. Watching those videos was like time travel to the past. Surreal.

Drum roll (almost) shot # 23 Done

I've had an odd time of it the last couple of weeks. The anti-d was helping my depression. It was unbelieveable. I've had depression but not like this with the anxiety with it. The interferon and riba's really do a number on your head. Although the anti-ds (Lexapro 10mg) was helping almost immediately, they made my stomach very sick. I thought I had food posiening twice. After taking a whole one I cut them up and took a quarter pill. Then began a half one every other day. Someone wrote on the forum they had heart burn with anti-ds so I bought over the counter heart burn meds today. I took one in the early afternoon. I took my anti-d and so far my stomach is fine. I even ate spicy mexican food today. So the heartburn pill worked. I'll write the name of it in the next posting.
It rained yesterday. It was nice. If I can figure out how to take a video off facebook I'll put the video my daughter and her friends made yesterday. It gives you a good idea of the surroundings where I live.
My daughter and I picked up my son at the airport today. He came back from Provo, Utah in time for his doctor appointment for his fractured knee. On the way home before his appointment we witnessed a guy and two girls fighting on the side of the road. We called the police and reported it. The guy looked to be hurting the girls. We saw a police car coming in our rearview mirror. We dropped off my son off at the doctors and came back. There were police cars, ambulence, helicopter. We drove a mile square and the whole area had police cars every so often. There are orange groves where we saw this happen. We thought the guy may have run into the groves. We got a call later about it from the police. The first police car that arrived, somehow the policeman got his gun and police car taken from him by this man. How could that happen? That is so crazy. In the middle of the day.
I'm very happy right now. No heartburn. I can lay down with out pain in my stomach and chest.
This morning I had a headache when I woke up.
The sides are never predictable. I don't want to scare anyone off from tx. If I can do it anyone can.
One thing personal to me that helped was saying my prayers. I recently began this on a regular routine twice a day. On my knees out loud. I talked to God like I would as I see him. I see him as my Heavenly Father. In prayer nameing what I'm thankful for and then asking for things I have need of or asking for help for others. That has given me comfort and hope. My home feels different. My family is getting along better. Its bringing a good spirit into the home. I have even been thankful for my Hep-c. I know its helped me grow as a person. I didn't know how strong I could be. I didn't know how strong many others could be. How thankful I am to have met wonderful people on the forum, its the UK one. They are a tough good bunch. We will always share a bond and that is bond is hep-c survivers.

count my blessings

The news media is showing the American men that were prisoners in the jungles of Columbia for years. There always had nine pounds of chain around their necks. I have to remember my blessings. Yes I'm on tx but I'm free. I can walk out my front door if I want. I can go to my fridge and get some food. I have my bed to lay down in when I feel bad. My laptop to entertain me. So I can be grateful for all I have. Even having Hep-c can be a blessing if I take all I've learned from this and see the positive. This tx has brought up issues I had buried. I've had to face them head on. Its been difficult but I'm coming through it stronger then I've ever thought I could be.

food poisoning?

I had pizza from Little Ceasers yesterday. About six hours later I was so sick. We all know the details from food poisoning. Just that it went on till midnight. My son ate the same thing but he didn't get sick. Maybe its because my white blood count is down. So we need to be careful when eating out. I feel better today but dehydrated. I'm going to eat jello and drink lots of fluids. I'm skipped my riba does this morning. I'll take it tonight.

Monday middle of the night

Had a good day today. Paying for it now. Went out with my son to pick up lunch. I got dessert. Later in the night I went to a movie with my daughter. It was a G rated movie for young girls. About one of the American Girl stories. It took place in the time of the Great Depression. My daughter was surprised at the goverment soup lines for most people had no money for food. How so many people loss everything. How the girls mothers made them clothes out of the potato sacks. The movie was put together quite well. Im very picky about movies. They need to keep my interest. I give this four stars. Especially for young girls that need to know how about the time their Grandmothers lived. Seems to be more real to our children if its seen at the cinema. The history books at school doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I'm still doing the anti=ds. They give me dry mouth. I don't like some of the sides. On the other hand, I can't go without them. I can tell the difference in my outlook.
Today I had too much fun going out with each of the kids. I'm very sick tonight. Muscles and joints hurting all over, stomach hurts, my head hurts, just worn out. As much as I try to fight against the tx, I can't. I have to give my body what it needs. More bed rest and liquids. Feels somewhat like I'm in the movie "groundhog day". Everyday I wake to being on tx. I try to make each day better but the status quo will usually have to do.

shot # 20

I'm going to do my shot tonight. I think I need to celebrate 4/5s way through tx. Maybe my son will go out to eat at Pei Wei's. All I can eat is a bowl of soup. My stomach has become very small. Its almost Independence Day. I'm sad my daughter is going off to California. Sad for me but happy for her happiness. My son is staying around here. I think its for me. Why else would he be here? I think the whole city is gone for the weekend. Its so hot here. Even my car guy is going up North. Had to get the car in tonight. He is there a half a day tomorrow to fix the car. So I'll borrow my daughters car for the time she's gone.
I have been doing more the last few days. My plan of not overdoing it is not working. I think I have to work as I feel like it. If I overdo it then so be it.
I was so depressed last week. Felt like ending it all. So I took a anti'd. It was so strong but raised my seratonon levels right away. So I cut the pills in 4ths and have been taking one each day. That is 2.5 of Lexapro each day. I'm against strong western medicine but I have to be on tx and it causes depression so have to be on something. I figure that little bit will be easy to come off of once I'm finished with tx. That little bit seems to be helping a lot. Mentally I feel better then the whole time I've been on tx. I guess I shouldn't be so stubborn to not take the anti-ds. I may just go to 1/4 every other day. The smaller dose I can handle the better.

A new day

Experiment

My usual way is on the good days.....do all I can. Today I'm feeling like a new person. Feeling great. I want to see what happens if I rest most of the day. I'll not overdue it like usual. Maybe I can make it through tx feeling good. As I looked back on my posts I noticed I am having good days and going about them as if I'm normal. Then the bad days are much worst. This will be an experiment on how I can have all good days on tx. Might not be possible but I'm going to try.

Shot #19

Strange. This is like the weather in Texas. Just wait and it will change. I had this migraine all day. Looks like it may have been sinus. I took a benadryl and about two hours later my headache is almost gone. I'm sure I'm scaring lots of people about tx lately. Don't be afraid. Everything happens for a reason. I really believe that. We learn from the difficult trials. We don't learn if we traveled a road paved and well maintained. We learn from the obstacles in our path. We have to try to reach our goals. Tx is a goal. My son reminded me about the man in a prison camp. He built a house in his head one brick at a time. So tx is like that. We can do this one brick at a time.

horrible head and neck pain

I've had a migraine headache for two days. I have ice on my neck and head right now. It really does help.But I can't leave my bed. I went outside to tell the lawn guys something. The sun almost blinded me. Am I getting all the side effects at the end? Seems that way. Too sick to pray for myself. My son came in last night and said a nice prayer for me. My sinus's is full of mucus, my mouth is quite dry. I did take some Vit C thinking I could have caught something. I heard once that this is when others get the chance to serve us. I think its come to that now. Accepting service from others....in a way letting them be blessed by helping me. I'm stubborn so this is a low point for me to ask for help.

Much better

This tx is like a roller coaster ride. This morning my stomach felt quesie. I didn't want to go to Church. Finally I got up and started getting ready. I put on eye liner and a little more makeup. I wore a new dress that I didn't have a undershirt for. I decided to were a pink one since my dress was brown and cream. I wore my brown ballet flats. I tried on high heals but my back hurts too much. I think after treatment it will be better. I drank some cranberry juice. I did feel better just to look nice and get out. I went to the Spanish speaking ward for sacrament. I missed ours at 8:30 this morning. Afterwards I went to our English Sunday School class. It was so good. The people in it are so wise. They have had lots of trials and are all amazing to me. The lady I sat by told me I looked beautiful. Wow that has made my week. So a little work pays off.
We did learn about humility. By our hearts being softened we can hear the word of God. When we have pride that is a stumbling block for our happiness and progression. It seems so simple. So I decided to go home and be grateful for all I have. This humble heart hasn't been humble enough. So I poured out my heart in behalf of my children. Afterward I had an impression to make a phone call. I found the number on line easily. I don't want to tell the details but it was everything I needed and an answer to my prayers. How grateful I am for prayer.

Week of Shot #18

I had a hard week. The drive to Sedona wiped me out. I had to get some things done this weeks so I couldn't stop and rest. Its been so hot. Its 110 degrees (45 c) now. So I'm sure dehydration has played a role in my bad week. Headaches, neck-aches, back aches. It was bad enough to put ice on my neck. I usually don't like icing but being so hot outside it the ice felt great. I think I had some heat stoke. Today I went out to do some errands and all I could do was get the car filled with gas. I found a good deal at 4.03 gallon. So filled up for 65 dollars. I then came home very ill. I didn't leave my bed but to use the bathroom. And that was quite a lot since i was having stomach problems. I'm quite sure it was heat stroke. I just staying in bed drinking apple juice and water. My stomach was so painful that I thought I may need to go to the hospital. But I knew I must have a blockage so rubbed my stomach where it hurt. Took some work. I've been taking codeine which can block you up.
Sorry to be so negative but this is an honest journal of my hep-c tx. Tomorrow is Sat. That is usually a bad day. The day after the shot ( which is on Tuesday night) and Sat. That is when the interferon has a second peak. I'm hoping to get out tomorrow and get things done. I'm going to be more careful and bring water each time I leave the house.

Sedona

Drive to Sedona for the day

I went to the Temple yesterday. It was a great experience. Its a beautiful placce and I felt like I was in heaven. I had a smile on my face and so happy. But I was alone without someone to share this with. . Being sick on tx brings me to this feeling "I want my family around me." So as I left I became sad. No family to share this moment with. Of course if I wasn't on tx I would be thinking straight. I would have remembered and thought with a eternal perspective, not in the here and now. I would remember all the good memories I have with my family members. But I was just feeling sad. It happens on these meds. So today I decided to drive to Sedona and take flowers to my husbands grave. It was a five hour drive round trip. It was a beautiful drive. I was feeling kinda sick and I thought yes I could be sick in bed or sick and doing something. Decided sick and doing something was better.
When I was almost there. I stopped at a place with potted plants. I asked the man attending which flowers I should take. I told him I was going to my husbands grave for fathers day. He was seemed kinda sad. I thought it was because he knew the flowers would die with out water. He chose the most hearty ones for me. He asked some questions. I told him I havent brought flowers to the grave for twenty years. I've visit the grave many times but no flowers. I told him its time I brought flowers since my husband gave me flowers for every holiday. My husband was sweet. This attendant told me to take the flowers free. He then told me his dad died when he was young. I asked if his mom remarried. He said no but she had a boyfriend. His mom was dead now too. He had bad feelings for the boyfriend.
So I went to Burger King to get take away food for a picnic by the grave. I then found the grave right away. It is such a beautiful place. I'm lucky to be buried there someday. I posted a picture of Sedona. The drive back was beautiful. I could see the sun set in the desert as I came into the valley. If we take time to see, life is beautiful. One of my Church authorities said something like this. "When you are feeling bad about yourself....stop and do something for someone else. Forget yourself in service and you will feel better for doing so." I think I did that today and I feel much better.

Shot # 17

I had the shot late which is always best. I took a benedryl, tylonal, and my usual meds to help me sleep. Fell asleep by midnight and up by eight. I called my daughter at her work. Asked if she wanted to eat with me. She needed to do homework during her lunch hour so I got her some food at Neds Crazy Sub (A favorite here in Mesa, Arizona) and brought it back to her. I was short of breath again so went to lay down and answer some emails.
Things I miss
Singing to favorite songs.....
Going out dancing
Swimming everyday in the pool. Its perfect over 100 degree weather for it now.
Taking walks around the Temple gardens. I still do this but can't go for long
Eating at my favorite Mexican restaurant and visiting with friends.

Only seven more weeks to go now.

Monday movie night

I was in bed for most of the day. Finally I couldn't stand it and got up. Had my delicious Guanana Brazilian drink. I'm so addicted to it. I have to drink some every day. Its a soft drink. Better for you then most soft drinks. Something about it tastes so good.
My son and I then decided to go see Kung Fu Panda at the last moment. Remember he is 24, a college graduate. He now found out he fractured his knee in the pool accident. He looks like a grownup tiny tim from Christmas Carol. He wears his newapaper boy hat and walks with this cane. He hobled out to the car with his cane. We went to the movie. It was full of little kids. The movie was so funny. Love Jack Black as the Panda. I just wish my memory was better so I can repeat some of those movie lines when I'm in the mood. Sad that one of the best summer movies is a Animation. Its also geared to the young adult audience wtih Jack Black as the Panda.
After I got back home I just crawled back into bed. That was disappointing. I needed to get some work done in my office. I'm so glad for my laptop. I've watched lots of shows on it. Now I've seen almost every Heroes and Office. When Heroes is too intense I switch to Office. Sometimes I switch to Arrested Development.

Right now, I'm very frustrated at times. I want to be productive. I just have to be patient. Only 7 more weeks after tomorrow nights injection. The good news is my emotions are good. I'm quite happy even though I'm fatiqued.

Better

I took the suppliments yesterday and today. Feeling much better. Went to the Temple yesterday. And went to Church today. That is the good news. The bad news is I went to the Doctor on Thursday. I went at 9 so thought I'd get right in. He was not there till 10:30. As i waited I had the nurse make me copys of my tests. I saw one missing so she and I argued about it. It was an important one. My hep levels went down after using this Vitimen C right before I started tx. It went down by a lot. It could be important to help those that can't do treatment. So I think the nurse thought i was being rude but I needed this to help others. The doctor came and didn't do much except listen to my chest. That was fifty dollars. He was nice and helped me calm down after that long wait. That is one thing I loved about the UK is going to my doctor appointment and the doctor seeing my right at the time of the appointment. Also the UK doctor had a computer with all my information on it. None of this old fashion paper. Also people in the Uk email each other. Like patients and nurses. Wow what an invention! I'm sacastic of course.
Actually I have the best family doctor. He discoved I had hep-c. He is smart and very kind. I'm lucky to have him. But I always have to wait for him too. That is just the way they do it here.

I

#16

It was fine last night when I did my shot. I feel bad today. Just out of breath, feeling emotional again. I've been doing so well that Ive been forgetting the supplements.Now I'm feeling the consequence of not being diligent with those. Today my tires looked low. I went to Gunnels Tires. I had a fifteen minute wait so I crossed over to Neds Subs. Its across a large street with 8 lanes. After running I almost passed out. I got to Neds and after a cold drink, I called my son to drive me back across the street to get my car. I could imagine myself laying in the road getting hit by cars. I'm glad he was able to come get me.

another injury

My son is fine from the car accident. Yesterday he came home from swimming with friends. He hurt his knee by jumping in the pool by the stairs as he was playing pool basketball. So now we are waiting till Monday to see if it gets better. Its too bad he got hurt. I'm getting emails from people happy my son is ok from the accident. Now I need to explain the newest. He isn't accident prone. I guess he is over due.
I'm more tired since my 15th shot. Two days and I'll do number 16. Then only 8 more. Its getting harder to breathe. I'm sure its the tx plus the heat (over 105 degrees)

The weekend

Sat is always a bad day. The meds I take Tuesday night has a second peak 80 hours later. So the sides usally hits me on Wed ant then on again Sat. morning. I'm so tired of being sick and tired. I have this fantasy of me just getting in the car and driving to disney land. Of course I'd get a wheelchair so I could wait in shorter lines. Who wants to go with me to push my wheelchair? Its only a five hour drive. I'm worn out just dreaming about this.
I'm also worn out from the news. This one guy has a photo of a alien looking through his window. He got the whole hour with Larry King for that photo. Must be a slow news cycle.

Lucky and Blessed

My son is so .....lucky. I thought this car accident would be the normal hassel with the ins. company and body shop. My son found out this morning the car is totaled so was to pick up a check for the high value of that kind of car. So this afternoon we went to the ins. company and they exchanged car title for a big check. He was sad because he really liked his car. He showed me the big black marks on the freeway where he hit the wall. So much ....bad....could have happened. He knows and I know he is alive for a reason.

Just an accident

Thursday.
I had a busy night last night. I had a meeting at my home. We had petitions signing get together for a election coming up. By the time everyone left, I went right to bed. I was shivering so hard, I had to get the heating pad. When I was in bed my son called to tell me he was in a car accident. Some things fell off another truck. He hit it then tried not to hit another car. He was going fast on the freeway. He ended up hitting a wall. Its amazing he and his passenger weren't hurt. His car had to be towed. It's been a while since he's had an accident so about time. Its always good to examine your life after you hit a wall in a car going 65mph. I can't believe how calm I am. Funny I kept thinking he may get in a car wreak. Yesterday I was working on getting the kids on my health ins plan.
Update on my ex. He is trying to get signatures to run for Congress. Should be interesting. I'm glad I'm out of the drama.
I feel so much better with my moods. I do think the omega 3s help. Here is a study about it. http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00408304?term=omega-3+interferon+treatment&rank=3

Shot #15 counting down 9 to go

I'm happier lately. I did start taking some natural suppliments that are good for my mood on tx. Also my son is back at home. Its nice having all the family back home. Just feels good knowing the kids are there for me. Its taken this long for the family to really understand me on tx. Or maybe just me to understand myself better. Having tx is a journey that is more then physical. It affects so much more then that. Its also a time you just want to feel loved and understood. It takes so much energy to do otherwise.
I was almost through the day without stress. Then heard about my ex. He is running for offiice. Don't know which office. He has always wanted to run for Congress. I'm sure its just for the state money that helps you run. My dear friend just told me of a party for John McCain tonight. I'll have to ask her later if my ex was there. I met John McCain once at a function we both went to. He is very nice and very real. My ex worked for him years ago. My ex had every oppurtunity for a good quality life. But he continues to chose the wrong path. He is basically a con man now. Hasn't even made money for years.....or a least made it the honest way. He doesn't even know how to be honest. I don't know what that would feel like. It certainly isn't happiness. He is one miserable man. Worse then me on tx. I don't want this blog to be about him. That would take more energy then I have. As my son said today, let it go or it will eat you up. He is so wise. Both the kids are. So I will let it go.
So happy that I'm on the countdown to the end of tx. I want to get back to work and be productive.
I did have a good moment. I just felt like having Taco Bell and asked my daughter to get me a taco. She did and it tasted so good. Its wonderful when food tastes good on tx. Somedays everything tastes bad but other days food is good. So today is the "food is good" day.

Shot #14

I've been really down this last week. For the first time during my treatment I was home in bed all day yesterday. I'm still in bed today. I have been trying to go out everyday to accomplish something. I went to my family doctor on Tuesday and asked if I could have something for my moods. He gave me an anti depresent. I took one pill. After reading up on these I decided not to take any more. With only ten more weeks, I feel that I would just be feeling the effects by then. So I'm sending my daughter to the Health Food Store (Sprouts) to get me a herbal anti=d. Maybe St Johns Wort or SamE. Maybe just thinking they will work will help them work. Maybe a sugar pill would work as long as you told me it was something other then a sugar pill.

Arizona Sunsets

shot 12 halfway

Last time I posted I just got back from Utah. It took a week to recover. Just difficult to get organized and focused. I was moody from being so tired from the trip and tx. I'm not complaining because it was worth it.
I had a good week. I went to a Cinco de Mayo party at the Spanish Church. I brought a family. There was about 20 long tables of food. There were three hugh jumpy things for the kids. A mexican band played live. They were so good. You could feel the passion as they sang and played. Crisp cool desert night air was perfect for the outdoor party setting.
Another good thing this week was the citrus pickers showed up this morning. So the oranges are gone. I did ask them to save a small part of one of the trees. Now I need to find someone to take the grapefruit. Sad thing, that no one wants them now. They only want the pink grapefruit and I have white.
I did have a rough time early this week. Just being very sensitive to my emotions. Seems to have settled down now. Good thing for my daughter. She certainly had a lot to deal with this week. I was the hard one to deal with. We got misunderstandings cleared up today, We had a good day together. We even when to lunch to celebrate the halfway mark of my tx. I hope others on tx will talk to their family members often so miscommunication doesn't interfere with tx. I think it is a good thing to use the communication technique where you repeat back to each other what you think they said. That way you can correct each other and not create misunderstandings. Is so simple but it takes practice. Communication skills are difficult even if you grew up in perfect surroundings, which most of us didn't. I didn't get on anti depressants on tx. I wonder how I would feel if I had. I'm doing ok and now I'm halfway there now. The things that bring me happiness is little acomplishments. Everyday I have a list of goals. Sometimes its very difficult but it helps my attitude to keep going. I try to remember to stay balenced. That would be spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectional. I learned once that if you aren't happy, that you should look at these aspects of your life. See which ones are off balence and fix them.

back from Utah

Back from Utah. My son graduated from BYU. It was wonderful. I then drove home with my daughter in her little car. It was so packed. We had to fix it so my seat could go back. As the trip went on stuff feel back under the seat so I still couldn't push the seat back. Oh well. I did drive a lot. She was afraid to drive on the curvy areas. I grew up in Colorado so I was use to driving on mountainous roads. It was so beautiful. My daughter kept snapping photos with her digital camera. I'll have to post one on here. I learned about myself. The same thing I always learn. That I can do more then I think. I didn't want to come on this trip. I kept that to myself. Being so tired all the time; I wondered how I could do this. For the love of my children I can do anything. I did it, it was a wonderful trip and I'd do it again. Glad I made myself do it. Now I know if I push myself my body can endure. I won't say it was easy. One time I forgot to eat early enough. It was after graduation. I just started crying being overwhelmed. I was feeling so many feelings. Happy to be with the kids, sad because my son keeps saying he’s going to New Zealand to start a company. I was hungry and just started crying. It lasted just a few seconds and I managed to pull back my emotions. Everyone knew it was the tx, my emotions and lack of food. We quickly got some food and I felt much better.
I will cherish the memories. The one thing we can take with us when we die and no one can take from us. The memories and love of family and friends stays with us forever. How grateful I am that I was able to make this trip possible.

shot 10

This has been a good week. I have handled the sides. I went to a couple of dances....seems like a long time ago. I saw some friends today. I'm going to a Womens group dinner today. I won't be there for the dinner but the speakers afterwards. One is my good friend. I've seen her give talks and she is excellent. I know this is boring to read but that is a good thing on tx. I know this is about tx but life goes on. My only advice is to take care of yourself and then you have strength to take care of others. Everything I do takes longer now. It takes me longer to get ready. I wear less makeup, having to be careful around the eyes. No liner. I think I actually look and better without liner so that may be a good thing. I still have trouble using my contacts. I wear glasses at home. Hopefully I will return to my normal routine with contacts after tx. My eyes feel sore all the time. There is enough to complain about if I think about all the little problems. I just try to focus on other things. My friend told me that she and the others in the Church Presidency were talking about me....because I'm on the list to watch out for during my tx. One didn't see me at Church and wondered if I was ok. Another one who is also my friend said she did see me at Church and I looked beautiful. Wow...after that made me feel good. But will anyone believe I'm sick if I look good. I did get my hair done this last week for the dances. But I was limping around from hurting my back dancing and wearing glasses. Nice to hear to hear someone was talking behind my back and saying that. Maybe I was glowing because i got out of the house that weekend and danced. I also think everyone expects me to fall apart on tx. Even I expected it. It hasn't happened yet.
Wed. I flew to Salt Lake. I went with my sister-inlaw from my husband that has passed on. Saw another good friend on the plane. In Salt Lake at the Airport I ran into another old friend. Got to Salt Lake and ate at The Garden at Temple Square with my friend and daughter. Its a beatiful building with lots of history. The Garden is on the top with a beautiful view of Downtown. We then walked around The Temple, saw a few wedding parties. The women had beautiful wedding dresses on and they were getting photos taken.My daughter took lots of pictures of us till I finally said no more photos! We went to the North Visitors Center and saw the statue of The Chritis. Its a replica of the statue in Europe. Its a famous one. Then we drove my daughter down to Provo. I didn't lay down in my room till eight. I woke up at two to loud rain.
My daughter and I learned something. I'm a intravert and she's an extravert. That is why we aren't good around each other for long. I need my space and quiet to get my energy back and she needs people to regenerate her energy. Opposites. Even as a child she wanted me around all the time and I needed to just get out of the house away from the kids for some minutes to drive arround and get grounded again. Or I needed to have privacy in my room to get my energy back. I never knew others could get their energy back from being arround people. My friend says their is a website to test your personality. I'll post it later. She told me opposites should not get married. Although some people are a little of both. Thiis web site will explain. My friend learned this from work and management, to help her manage companys. my daughter and I werre happy to find out that nothing was wrong with our relationship except understanding each other. What a difference that makes for us. I think now we can be more respectful of how we deal with the world around us, Yesterday was a great day. Great to be with family.

shot 9

I did shot 9 last Tuesday and its Sunday. I went out to a Church Single Conference dance on Friday and Sat. I liked the one on Sat better. It was at this place that was built to look like a old western town. The dance with in this huge barn. About 300 hundred people where there. I danced a couple of dances and I was beat. The last one was difficult. I always think I can be like everyone else but I can't right now. At least I enjoyed myself till I had to go. I saw some old friends and that was nice to catch up. I don't have tolerence for people that are back stabbers or gossips. I have little energy myself and life is short. So I noticed that the people I gravitated to were solid good souls I could count on.

I woke up this morning to go to Church. My back was hurting and I walked with a limp. That was from dancing last night. I was late for my ward and got there in time for the Spanish Branch. I did my best to follow along in Spanish. My favorite is singing the hymns in Spanish. I can pronounce the words but what am I saying? I'm home in bed now and will use this day to completly rest.

The sides this week were mainly fatique. I fought it each day and went out into the world. I bought some clothes for the dances and had my hair done. I put the highlights in so we shall see if my hair falls out now. My skin was dry but seems better then it was a couple of weeks ago. My stomach was much better since I began eating yogurt again. I had terrible aches and pains especially at night . I have been staying up late because of it. I have been thinking I"m so lonely here by myself. Maybe that is a good thing on tx. My kids will be home next week. I hope I am not a emotionaly wreak. So far I have been feeling balenced and positive. This tx has gone be so quickly. I will be on shot 10 this week and shot 12 will be half way. Looking forward to the half way mark.

taxes

I got my taxes together for last year and this year. Since last year I was getting divorced and was in shock over the whole thing.. Talking to my friend and accountant, he told me its ok since I didn't owe anything. So I will be doing it tomorrow just at the deadline. Does everyone with hep-c put things off? Can I blame it on my illness?
I've been feeling very achy for a couple of days. Lots of pain. I think stress brings it out. I would suggest to anyone about to do tx to get everything in order before starting. I know you can't predict everything and things will come up. Just do as much as possible before starting tx to be stress free as possible. Anything that bothers you before starting tx will bother you more when you start. As you go through tx remember everything you are grateful for. Write it down everyday if possible. That will keep positive thoughts close by you. Try to stay AWAY from negative bad people. Stay around good positive happy people. That will help your body and mind heal.

Food mmm something good.

I have been trying to find something good to eat. Everything has tasted terrible. Today i went to a favorite Mexican place. I was craving one of their tortas. I explained what i wanted to a man that didn't speak English. It was great since I like to practice my Spanish. After he brought me the sandwhich. I opened it. Took a bite. It tasted so good. I forgot what it was like to enjoy food. Simple pleasures. I think that is what I have learned on tx. When I find the small pleasures, they please me.

Little about my past

I want to let overs know about me but I'm going to hold some things private. I will keep this journel focused on my tx for hep-c. I hope I can help someone along the way.

Wed.

I felt better today. The problems seem to be 1. food. Food doesn't seem real anymore. Everything I use to love is too spicy for me now. Might as well just eat toast. 2.The sun is soo bright everyday. My eyes hurt quite a lot. 3. I'm not calm like I use to be...seem to be on edge. 4 periodic stomach pain, all over muscle and joint pain.

I was so happy to get out today. I was actually feeling better. I went to Walmart to get some things. I bought a couple of shirt since I don't have any in my closet to fit. I don't usually buy shirts at walmart but too tired to really go shopping. As I was at Walmart I wanted to cry because I was so happy to be out at Walmart. I felt like I just came out of a coma and was in the world for the first time. I know I'll have some more bad weeks but I'm enjoying the few good days that have come along.

I'm also thankful for my tx friends on the forums I've joined. There is strenght in numbers. Its nice to know we are not alone in this difficult time.

8th week

I'm into my eighth week. Had my shot last night. The last days have gotten better. I have some friends praying for me. I notice it and really feel the lift. I don't like to need anyone so its alot for me to ask for help. I guess sometimes we are to be on the receiving end of service. We need to learn to accept help of others. I have come to terms with needing help and I'm thankful for those that reach out to me. So the last couple of days I have been out and about. I spontaniously went to the Family History Center. I wanted to look up family names. An very sweet older woman helped me on the computer there. She showed me how to look up names and save them on a family chart. I can do it from home on my laptop now as I lay in bed in my pj's. I want to find out more about my family roots in the UK.
As I was on my way home i got a bad stomach pain. I was so happy to make it home.
Is so strange to be alone so much. Its almost a year since my divorce. Everytime I hear about him it gets worse and worse. He is out of control and I'm so glad I'm not in that world. Everytime I'm feeling lonely, I just need to remember the nightmare I was living..then I'm happy once again to be alone.

Sunday April 6

I woke up this morning with pain again. Had to take something for pain. Didn't sleep well. In the deep of the night, I though I heard a noice outside and was scared. Can't wait till my kids comes home. It will be soon, just a few more weeks. I'll sleep easier knowing someone else is close by. Having the little dog is not enough. After waking I watched Sunday's Morning Conference. It brought me up from negitive thinking. After it was over I got up to take my riba's. It was late morning. I took them with some cereal as I sat outside in the sun. The sun was so bright. I know its the meds messing with my eyes. So sensitive now. I feel some extra energy so I got on the trampoline. I jumped about 20 jumps. I stopped since I'm so fragile. My back was hurting. Must be feeling better because I wasn't able to do that earlier that week. I'm going to go for a walk today. Even if its a short walk. I'm feeling better, and more positive. Maybe my body is adjusting to the meds. I hope so. Most likely its just one of those better days. Since its Sunday, I will do more resting anyway. Am having lots of problems with iching. Its very annoying, but seems to be typical sides for the treatment.

Now I woke up after another little nap and listened to afternoon Conference. Liked many quotes but with this brain fog....I remember very little. One of the talks included the story of the woman that touched the robe of The Savior and was healed. It is a special story to me and I have thought of this story often since starting this treatment. I wish I could be healed. If it was Gods will I would be. I don't know how this treatment will affect my life or the life of others. Sometimes our challanges in life may not be for our growth as much as for those arround us. I look at it as giving others arround me the chance to love and serve me. Although I like to be on the other end of serving and loving, sometimes we must allow the opposite to happen.

Conference just concluded with President Monson's talk. As I was thinking this was a unique and wonderful conference session, President Monson concluded that he has come to Conference for years and something special about this last session. He and the speaker before him talked to men and children to love and help the mothers and wives. His wife had been in a comma for 21 days earlier in the year and he related that story in a sweet way about it. How I love these men that remind the men of the Church to respect the women and know how much the women do. One said to the men to take over at times to know what their wives do. He warned that the men would do much lifting and hard labor when they do this. That is for sure....as women everywhere knows. : ) He also told the women to do things for them selves....remember a dry well doesn't produce water. Yes we need to pamper and do kind things for ourselves often. Just hope all the men listening were awake. ha ha. If anyone is intersted the talks are at www.lds.org

I am doing better today with my breathlessness. Maybe the body is adjusting to the meds. My back is hurting a bit (from my jumping on the trampoline.....why did I do that?.....: (.....can't say I'm not a little crazy....got to do something fun and spontaneous) Now I'm off to walk a little bit. I'll write again when I return and I'm sure if the past is a predictor of the future, I'll go directly to bed when I return.