Sunday, April 27, 2008

back from Utah

Back from Utah. My son graduated from BYU. It was wonderful. I then drove home with my daughter in her little car. It was so packed. We had to fix it so my seat could go back. As the trip went on stuff feel back under the seat so I still couldn't push the seat back. Oh well. I did drive a lot. She was afraid to drive on the curvy areas. I grew up in Colorado so I was use to driving on mountainous roads. It was so beautiful. My daughter kept snapping photos with her digital camera. I'll have to post one on here. I learned about myself. The same thing I always learn. That I can do more then I think. I didn't want to come on this trip. I kept that to myself. Being so tired all the time; I wondered how I could do this. For the love of my children I can do anything. I did it, it was a wonderful trip and I'd do it again. Glad I made myself do it. Now I know if I push myself my body can endure. I won't say it was easy. One time I forgot to eat early enough. It was after graduation. I just started crying being overwhelmed. I was feeling so many feelings. Happy to be with the kids, sad because my son keeps saying he’s going to New Zealand to start a company. I was hungry and just started crying. It lasted just a few seconds and I managed to pull back my emotions. Everyone knew it was the tx, my emotions and lack of food. We quickly got some food and I felt much better.
I will cherish the memories. The one thing we can take with us when we die and no one can take from us. The memories and love of family and friends stays with us forever. How grateful I am that I was able to make this trip possible.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

shot 10

This has been a good week. I have handled the sides. I went to a couple of dances....seems like a long time ago. I saw some friends today. I'm going to a Womens group dinner today. I won't be there for the dinner but the speakers afterwards. One is my good friend. I've seen her give talks and she is excellent. I know this is boring to read but that is a good thing on tx. I know this is about tx but life goes on. My only advice is to take care of yourself and then you have strength to take care of others. Everything I do takes longer now. It takes me longer to get ready. I wear less makeup, having to be careful around the eyes. No liner. I think I actually look and better without liner so that may be a good thing. I still have trouble using my contacts. I wear glasses at home. Hopefully I will return to my normal routine with contacts after tx. My eyes feel sore all the time. There is enough to complain about if I think about all the little problems. I just try to focus on other things. My friend told me that she and the others in the Church Presidency were talking about me....because I'm on the list to watch out for during my tx. One didn't see me at Church and wondered if I was ok. Another one who is also my friend said she did see me at Church and I looked beautiful. Wow...after that made me feel good. But will anyone believe I'm sick if I look good. I did get my hair done this last week for the dances. But I was limping around from hurting my back dancing and wearing glasses. Nice to hear to hear someone was talking behind my back and saying that. Maybe I was glowing because i got out of the house that weekend and danced. I also think everyone expects me to fall apart on tx. Even I expected it. It hasn't happened yet.
Wed. I flew to Salt Lake. I went with my sister-inlaw from my husband that has passed on. Saw another good friend on the plane. In Salt Lake at the Airport I ran into another old friend. Got to Salt Lake and ate at The Garden at Temple Square with my friend and daughter. Its a beatiful building with lots of history. The Garden is on the top with a beautiful view of Downtown. We then walked around The Temple, saw a few wedding parties. The women had beautiful wedding dresses on and they were getting photos taken.My daughter took lots of pictures of us till I finally said no more photos! We went to the North Visitors Center and saw the statue of The Chritis. Its a replica of the statue in Europe. Its a famous one. Then we drove my daughter down to Provo. I didn't lay down in my room till eight. I woke up at two to loud rain.
My daughter and I learned something. I'm a intravert and she's an extravert. That is why we aren't good around each other for long. I need my space and quiet to get my energy back and she needs people to regenerate her energy. Opposites. Even as a child she wanted me around all the time and I needed to just get out of the house away from the kids for some minutes to drive arround and get grounded again. Or I needed to have privacy in my room to get my energy back. I never knew others could get their energy back from being arround people. My friend says their is a website to test your personality. I'll post it later. She told me opposites should not get married. Although some people are a little of both. Thiis web site will explain. My friend learned this from work and management, to help her manage companys. my daughter and I werre happy to find out that nothing was wrong with our relationship except understanding each other. What a difference that makes for us. I think now we can be more respectful of how we deal with the world around us, Yesterday was a great day. Great to be with family.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

shot 9

I did shot 9 last Tuesday and its Sunday. I went out to a Church Single Conference dance on Friday and Sat. I liked the one on Sat better. It was at this place that was built to look like a old western town. The dance with in this huge barn. About 300 hundred people where there. I danced a couple of dances and I was beat. The last one was difficult. I always think I can be like everyone else but I can't right now. At least I enjoyed myself till I had to go. I saw some old friends and that was nice to catch up. I don't have tolerence for people that are back stabbers or gossips. I have little energy myself and life is short. So I noticed that the people I gravitated to were solid good souls I could count on.

I woke up this morning to go to Church. My back was hurting and I walked with a limp. That was from dancing last night. I was late for my ward and got there in time for the Spanish Branch. I did my best to follow along in Spanish. My favorite is singing the hymns in Spanish. I can pronounce the words but what am I saying? I'm home in bed now and will use this day to completly rest.

The sides this week were mainly fatique. I fought it each day and went out into the world. I bought some clothes for the dances and had my hair done. I put the highlights in so we shall see if my hair falls out now. My skin was dry but seems better then it was a couple of weeks ago. My stomach was much better since I began eating yogurt again. I had terrible aches and pains especially at night . I have been staying up late because of it. I have been thinking I"m so lonely here by myself. Maybe that is a good thing on tx. My kids will be home next week. I hope I am not a emotionaly wreak. So far I have been feeling balenced and positive. This tx has gone be so quickly. I will be on shot 10 this week and shot 12 will be half way. Looking forward to the half way mark.

Monday, April 14, 2008


I got my taxes together for last year and this year. Since last year I was getting divorced and was in shock over the whole thing.. Talking to my friend and accountant, he told me its ok since I didn't owe anything. So I will be doing it tomorrow just at the deadline. Does everyone with hep-c put things off? Can I blame it on my illness?
I've been feeling very achy for a couple of days. Lots of pain. I think stress brings it out. I would suggest to anyone about to do tx to get everything in order before starting. I know you can't predict everything and things will come up. Just do as much as possible before starting tx to be stress free as possible. Anything that bothers you before starting tx will bother you more when you start. As you go through tx remember everything you are grateful for. Write it down everyday if possible. That will keep positive thoughts close by you. Try to stay AWAY from negative bad people. Stay around good positive happy people. That will help your body and mind heal.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Food mmm something good.

I have been trying to find something good to eat. Everything has tasted terrible. Today i went to a favorite Mexican place. I was craving one of their tortas. I explained what i wanted to a man that didn't speak English. It was great since I like to practice my Spanish. After he brought me the sandwhich. I opened it. Took a bite. It tasted so good. I forgot what it was like to enjoy food. Simple pleasures. I think that is what I have learned on tx. When I find the small pleasures, they please me.

Little about my past

I want to let overs know about me but I'm going to hold some things private. I will keep this journel focused on my tx for hep-c. I hope I can help someone along the way.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


I felt better today. The problems seem to be 1. food. Food doesn't seem real anymore. Everything I use to love is too spicy for me now. Might as well just eat toast. 2.The sun is soo bright everyday. My eyes hurt quite a lot. 3. I'm not calm like I use to be...seem to be on edge. 4 periodic stomach pain, all over muscle and joint pain.

I was so happy to get out today. I was actually feeling better. I went to Walmart to get some things. I bought a couple of shirt since I don't have any in my closet to fit. I don't usually buy shirts at walmart but too tired to really go shopping. As I was at Walmart I wanted to cry because I was so happy to be out at Walmart. I felt like I just came out of a coma and was in the world for the first time. I know I'll have some more bad weeks but I'm enjoying the few good days that have come along.

I'm also thankful for my tx friends on the forums I've joined. There is strenght in numbers. Its nice to know we are not alone in this difficult time.

8th week

I'm into my eighth week. Had my shot last night. The last days have gotten better. I have some friends praying for me. I notice it and really feel the lift. I don't like to need anyone so its alot for me to ask for help. I guess sometimes we are to be on the receiving end of service. We need to learn to accept help of others. I have come to terms with needing help and I'm thankful for those that reach out to me. So the last couple of days I have been out and about. I spontaniously went to the Family History Center. I wanted to look up family names. An very sweet older woman helped me on the computer there. She showed me how to look up names and save them on a family chart. I can do it from home on my laptop now as I lay in bed in my pj's. I want to find out more about my family roots in the UK.
As I was on my way home i got a bad stomach pain. I was so happy to make it home.
Is so strange to be alone so much. Its almost a year since my divorce. Everytime I hear about him it gets worse and worse. He is out of control and I'm so glad I'm not in that world. Everytime I'm feeling lonely, I just need to remember the nightmare I was living..then I'm happy once again to be alone.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Sunday April 6

I woke up this morning with pain again. Had to take something for pain. Didn't sleep well. In the deep of the night, I though I heard a noice outside and was scared. Can't wait till my kids comes home. It will be soon, just a few more weeks. I'll sleep easier knowing someone else is close by. Having the little dog is not enough. After waking I watched Sunday's Morning Conference. It brought me up from negitive thinking. After it was over I got up to take my riba's. It was late morning. I took them with some cereal as I sat outside in the sun. The sun was so bright. I know its the meds messing with my eyes. So sensitive now. I feel some extra energy so I got on the trampoline. I jumped about 20 jumps. I stopped since I'm so fragile. My back was hurting. Must be feeling better because I wasn't able to do that earlier that week. I'm going to go for a walk today. Even if its a short walk. I'm feeling better, and more positive. Maybe my body is adjusting to the meds. I hope so. Most likely its just one of those better days. Since its Sunday, I will do more resting anyway. Am having lots of problems with iching. Its very annoying, but seems to be typical sides for the treatment.

Now I woke up after another little nap and listened to afternoon Conference. Liked many quotes but with this brain fog....I remember very little. One of the talks included the story of the woman that touched the robe of The Savior and was healed. It is a special story to me and I have thought of this story often since starting this treatment. I wish I could be healed. If it was Gods will I would be. I don't know how this treatment will affect my life or the life of others. Sometimes our challanges in life may not be for our growth as much as for those arround us. I look at it as giving others arround me the chance to love and serve me. Although I like to be on the other end of serving and loving, sometimes we must allow the opposite to happen.

Conference just concluded with President Monson's talk. As I was thinking this was a unique and wonderful conference session, President Monson concluded that he has come to Conference for years and something special about this last session. He and the speaker before him talked to men and children to love and help the mothers and wives. His wife had been in a comma for 21 days earlier in the year and he related that story in a sweet way about it. How I love these men that remind the men of the Church to respect the women and know how much the women do. One said to the men to take over at times to know what their wives do. He warned that the men would do much lifting and hard labor when they do this. That is for women everywhere knows. : ) He also told the women to do things for them selves....remember a dry well doesn't produce water. Yes we need to pamper and do kind things for ourselves often. Just hope all the men listening were awake. ha ha. If anyone is intersted the talks are at

I am doing better today with my breathlessness. Maybe the body is adjusting to the meds. My back is hurting a bit (from my jumping on the trampoline.....why did I do that?.....: (.....can't say I'm not a little to do something fun and spontaneous) Now I'm off to walk a little bit. I'll write again when I return and I'm sure if the past is a predictor of the future, I'll go directly to bed when I return.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Conference weekend

Today was Sat. session of General Conference. That is a world televised Church Service of "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". It is from Salt Lake City, Utah. Their were two sessions today...sat...and will be two sessions tomorrow. Many parts of the world, members may need to go to the Church's manny meeting houses. I'm lucky enough to watch from home right in front of my tv in my robe. It was wonderful. I have been spiritually malnurished and needed some pick me up. One intersting speaker talked of a senisitive subject and did a wonderful job. He talked about abuse and healing. He talked mostly of sexual abuse. He talked about how all can be healed perfectly through the attonement of Jesus Christ. He was talking about all abuse really. He also talked at the end, to the abusers and told them although they may fool man, Jesus Christ knows all the works of those that abuse. That they must talk to their Bishops and get help or they will be eventualy destroyed. Another speaker talked of loving all man kind and not judging others. He was from a Spanish Speaking county. He was a great man and truely had a humble heart athough I use that name and strive for it. The Church's web site has all the talks. The best part, was the choir that played in between talks. Those beautiful hymns filled my soul with hope and faith in God. I'm gratful for God and family, plus my friends...old ones and new ones on my journey of hep-c treatment.
One surprise was this morning after the morning session. My daughter called to tell me she had tickets and was at Confernce that morning. I told her I watched and it was good. She said she had a ticket to afternoon session too. She aslo told me it was cold after I commented on how pretty the flowers must be at Temple Square. Temple Square is where Conference Center is. Temple Square is a major tourist attraction at Salt Lake City, Utah.
I know i'm getting kinda personal on this blog but this is my hep-c journey and this is part of me. I have loved reading the blogs of those new friends from Hep=c forums. They have truely given me much hope and strength. They are God's angels on Earth. Many don't know I quietly read their blogs along with questions and answers in the forums. Those words I read quietly give me strengh I need each day. They have made me laugh, almost cry (except I can't lose the moisture)ha ha.
Thank you all for your honest expresstions of mad, sad, happy emotions. I will try to open up and do the same.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

7th week

I don't think I've been on here for a while. I have been struggleing with the sides. Good news first. My four weeks PCR showed negitive so I'm beating this disease!! Take that dragon....maybe I should name the dragon. Sad thing is ....I like dragons. Too bad that is the symbol for Hep-C. So the meds are actually beating the dragon and they are also beating me. That is the bad news. I suppose I'll recover.
Its getting close to tax time. April 15th is the day we do are tax returns in the US. I will feel better when this is over. I'm not good at paper work so now I'm forced into my office to face the mess. I have cleaned up much of my office so I should be proud.
As far as tx goes not tax ....although I dislike both. My sides are extreme fatique. Headache right now. I took a pill for nausea. It made me a little sleepy. I took a tylonal and codine. I'm feeling much better now.
I will do the shot tonight and write more later

Ok now its a few days later. Still have not done my taxes. I must do it tomorrow. I have been so tired. Also I get short of breathe quite easily. I can't walk very far without getting tired. I did have a good day yesterday.. I used it by going to the Temple for an hour. So nice to be spiritually fed. I was feeling soo empty and alone. After the Temple I felt God's love. I was able to do a couple of errands and get some food at the store. I was still very tired and went staight home to bed.
I was tired today. I did go to my natural doctor. He discovered some things I needed like V=E. I also heard Viteman E was good for tx. (Dang....everytime I see reminds me of tax...) anyway. I will see how these supliments work out. And tomorrow I will be productive. I will find the papers for my taxes.