Saturday, May 31, 2008

The weekend

Sat is always a bad day. The meds I take Tuesday night has a second peak 80 hours later. So the sides usally hits me on Wed ant then on again Sat. morning. I'm so tired of being sick and tired. I have this fantasy of me just getting in the car and driving to disney land. Of course I'd get a wheelchair so I could wait in shorter lines. Who wants to go with me to push my wheelchair? Its only a five hour drive. I'm worn out just dreaming about this.
I'm also worn out from the news. This one guy has a photo of a alien looking through his window. He got the whole hour with Larry King for that photo. Must be a slow news cycle.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Lucky and Blessed

My son is so .....lucky. I thought this car accident would be the normal hassel with the ins. company and body shop. My son found out this morning the car is totaled so was to pick up a check for the high value of that kind of car. So this afternoon we went to the ins. company and they exchanged car title for a big check. He was sad because he really liked his car. He showed me the big black marks on the freeway where he hit the wall. So much ....bad....could have happened. He knows and I know he is alive for a reason.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Just an accident

I had a busy night last night. I had a meeting at my home. We had petitions signing get together for a election coming up. By the time everyone left, I went right to bed. I was shivering so hard, I had to get the heating pad. When I was in bed my son called to tell me he was in a car accident. Some things fell off another truck. He hit it then tried not to hit another car. He was going fast on the freeway. He ended up hitting a wall. Its amazing he and his passenger weren't hurt. His car had to be towed. It's been a while since he's had an accident so about time. Its always good to examine your life after you hit a wall in a car going 65mph. I can't believe how calm I am. Funny I kept thinking he may get in a car wreak. Yesterday I was working on getting the kids on my health ins plan.
Update on my ex. He is trying to get signatures to run for Congress. Should be interesting. I'm glad I'm out of the drama.
I feel so much better with my moods. I do think the omega 3s help. Here is a study about it.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Shot #15 counting down 9 to go

I'm happier lately. I did start taking some natural suppliments that are good for my mood on tx. Also my son is back at home. Its nice having all the family back home. Just feels good knowing the kids are there for me. Its taken this long for the family to really understand me on tx. Or maybe just me to understand myself better. Having tx is a journey that is more then physical. It affects so much more then that. Its also a time you just want to feel loved and understood. It takes so much energy to do otherwise.
I was almost through the day without stress. Then heard about my ex. He is running for offiice. Don't know which office. He has always wanted to run for Congress. I'm sure its just for the state money that helps you run. My dear friend just told me of a party for John McCain tonight. I'll have to ask her later if my ex was there. I met John McCain once at a function we both went to. He is very nice and very real. My ex worked for him years ago. My ex had every oppurtunity for a good quality life. But he continues to chose the wrong path. He is basically a con man now. Hasn't even made money for years.....or a least made it the honest way. He doesn't even know how to be honest. I don't know what that would feel like. It certainly isn't happiness. He is one miserable man. Worse then me on tx. I don't want this blog to be about him. That would take more energy then I have. As my son said today, let it go or it will eat you up. He is so wise. Both the kids are. So I will let it go.
So happy that I'm on the countdown to the end of tx. I want to get back to work and be productive.
I did have a good moment. I just felt like having Taco Bell and asked my daughter to get me a taco. She did and it tasted so good. Its wonderful when food tastes good on tx. Somedays everything tastes bad but other days food is good. So today is the "food is good" day.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Shot #14

I've been really down this last week. For the first time during my treatment I was home in bed all day yesterday. I'm still in bed today. I have been trying to go out everyday to accomplish something. I went to my family doctor on Tuesday and asked if I could have something for my moods. He gave me an anti depresent. I took one pill. After reading up on these I decided not to take any more. With only ten more weeks, I feel that I would just be feeling the effects by then. So I'm sending my daughter to the Health Food Store (Sprouts) to get me a herbal anti=d. Maybe St Johns Wort or SamE. Maybe just thinking they will work will help them work. Maybe a sugar pill would work as long as you told me it was something other then a sugar pill.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

shot 12 halfway

Last time I posted I just got back from Utah. It took a week to recover. Just difficult to get organized and focused. I was moody from being so tired from the trip and tx. I'm not complaining because it was worth it.
I had a good week. I went to a Cinco de Mayo party at the Spanish Church. I brought a family. There was about 20 long tables of food. There were three hugh jumpy things for the kids. A mexican band played live. They were so good. You could feel the passion as they sang and played. Crisp cool desert night air was perfect for the outdoor party setting.
Another good thing this week was the citrus pickers showed up this morning. So the oranges are gone. I did ask them to save a small part of one of the trees. Now I need to find someone to take the grapefruit. Sad thing, that no one wants them now. They only want the pink grapefruit and I have white.
I did have a rough time early this week. Just being very sensitive to my emotions. Seems to have settled down now. Good thing for my daughter. She certainly had a lot to deal with this week. I was the hard one to deal with. We got misunderstandings cleared up today, We had a good day together. We even when to lunch to celebrate the halfway mark of my tx. I hope others on tx will talk to their family members often so miscommunication doesn't interfere with tx. I think it is a good thing to use the communication technique where you repeat back to each other what you think they said. That way you can correct each other and not create misunderstandings. Is so simple but it takes practice. Communication skills are difficult even if you grew up in perfect surroundings, which most of us didn't. I didn't get on anti depressants on tx. I wonder how I would feel if I had. I'm doing ok and now I'm halfway there now. The things that bring me happiness is little acomplishments. Everyday I have a list of goals. Sometimes its very difficult but it helps my attitude to keep going. I try to remember to stay balenced. That would be spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectional. I learned once that if you aren't happy, that you should look at these aspects of your life. See which ones are off balence and fix them.