Monday, September 29, 2008

trial and error

I'm experiencing much pain from post tx. Sat. night I had a cup of kava drink and it took away the pain for a couple of hours. I had another cup of it later and I feel asleep. First time I sleep for any length of time for awhile. It was wonderful.
I made some again last night and it was stronger so only needed a couple of sips. I was able to do that and have a hot bath, and I slept again. Again, a tender mercy.
when I wake I feel the pain all over once again. Today I had visiting teaching to do. I took a sip of the kava juice and left the house. Once again its helping the pain.
I know kava kava ,the supplement was thought to show liver damage. The FDA has not confirmed that. And I'm not using the processed pill form but the natural kava root that I personally make into a tea. I'm quite sure its better then tylonal which definitely causes liver damage.
I have an appointment with my friends daughter who just got her massage therapist degree. She'll be coming Thursday to give me a massage. I'm quite certain this will help the pain. There are others on the forum that also suffer from after tx pain. If I can find something to help me, it may also help them.
So far I can recommend kava drink if they can find a Tongan to buy some kava root from.

Other sides have disappeared. Just the stiffness and pain remands. There is an occational headache that comes at time. But much less then it was.

Monday, September 22, 2008


i'm in lots of pain. I'm just going to take my pills like I have been plus adding supplements. This has been a mistake trying to change it so quickly. Getting off all my pills is a goal for me this next year. I think my body has some adjusting yet to do. So far I've been thrilled to have the brain fog lift. Now I have to wait till the pain eases up. The difficult part is not sleeping at night. I feel is the sleeping would come then I'd heal quicker.

I may have had hep-c longer then I thought. Although it could have been the blood transfusion, I also had lots of medical procedures when I was a kid. This was at the VA hospital. : (
I was sick a lot. My mom would run me to the doctor with a sniffle. But it would always be step throat and I'd have injectins of pennisellion. Another time I had stomach problems and had tests at Mayo Clinic. Very unpleasent test. Its no wonder I stay away from doctors as much as possible. Look at me now on all these pills. : ( Doctors, can't live with out them but make sure you turn down some of the pills unless you MUST have them. I'm at a low point that I must have them. But I'm positive the coming year will be a good one. : )

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Slow down

I slept better last night. I was not doing anything today but forgot about a doctors appointment. Also my daughter went to the dentist and wanted me with her.
My GP doctor told me it could be the codine causing me to be hyper. Now that I'm not so sick its changing. I already knew this could be the case so I'm going to continue what I was doing anyway. Taking a half of codine and one darvon. I will soon switch over to the darvon and codine only for extreme pain. He agreed that calcium/magnisium helps my pain in my muscles and I need to take it a few times a day. He gave me some valium to get a good nights sleep for a few nights.
Our dentist wanted to do some filing on my teeth. They look better now. He was so nice and good with my daughter. He used to teach her SS so they already knew each other. And the doctor and dentist were walking distance and next door to each other. My son left to physical therepy went I got home. He told me he's getting sick.
My headaches are terrible and I can only get rid of them with asperin. I'm just thankful I can get rid of them.
The world is falling apart with the financial markets but I have lots to be thankful for.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

6 weeks post tx.

Ok, I had too much excitement like a child on Christmas eve. I havn't slept for three nights. I'm feeling good, going out, going to Church events, seeing old friends that I hadn't seen since before tx. I've become good friends and a sister with my=sister=inlaw. Too many good things. The Bishop in class a couple of weeks ago asked us if we knew our neighbors. He asked if they would come to us when their hearts are broken? Told us to love our neighbors. I had a mental check to know my neighbors and the opportunity came when I saw my neighbor across the street doing things in her yard. She was upset about some things. I listened to her and tried to help her. I found out so much I didn't know. I didn't know her son died 6 years ago for one thing. Didn't know her husband was sick and needed a job. She learned about me and now we are better friends. I know now she might come to me when she needs help. We have each I others numbers now. It does feel good to know your neighbor.

I went to lunch with another new friend. We have known of each other in Church but finally found out about each other. Another friend going through a trial and found the hand of God working in her life. Friends old and new.
I've had great fun with my Brit/Aussie friends on Nomads. I have a bond and love with that group.I look forward to meeting them. One of them named Fishy stands out. She had every side there was. She was always cute about it and positive. They all had their own personalities that came through cyberspace.

After being so sick and feeling alone, its a lot very fast.I'm in post tx and need a little more time. I need to settle down and have a good nights sleep. My daughter may get married. Who knows? Maybe my son. So much that I must be careful and pull back from so much stimulation so quickly. I must watch my health or I'll crash again. I'm feeling almost manic...the other side of depression. Its a combination of all the happiness and the meds adjusting. I'm walking faster, doing things that must be done. My brain fog is much better.
Other things in the world are terrible. The economy is bad, employment worse. But I feel peace...the peace from doing all the good I can and knowing God loves me and has a plan for me. I know he does for anyone that just reaches out...even if it begins with a simple prayer. Miracles happen but some take time.
I'm grateful for all these blessing and the knowledge we are children of God.
Now I must take a hot bath and drink some sleepy time tea and try once again to sleep!

very talk

I've been busy just getting things in order. Fishy, my friend and tx buddy asked if I was Mormon (LDS). Yes and thats part of the reason I've become busy and I'm not working yet. I've been well enough to attend all my Sunday meetings. There are three. So that is a three hour time block. One of the meetings is the womens group. We have songs, and then a lesson. Another is Sunday School with scripture lessons. Its always good. I'm very much into the history of the people in the scriptures. Its amazing to me how people are basically the same as they were then. Its nice to learn and be spiritually fed. I'm going to Institute class on Tuesday mornings. There is a large group that go and lots of wisdom there. I also attend the Temple once a week. I have someone bringing me lunch on Tuesday and Thursday. I have been taken out to lunch a couple days a week. Reconnecting with friends and telling them about hep-c. I'm learning about their trials that are very difficult also. my friend Susan gave this talk last Sunday.I had to leave to collect my son at the airport. Hope she doesn't mind me sharing it. Its about Charity and it was very good. I'm getting the spiritual nutrition that I need. During tx I was well enough to say my prayers and not much else. Also swimming each day. On top of all that, I keep up with Nomads forum. Went on Chat on Sat night. Had a great time. I want to stay involved with those special dear friendships I've made there. Here is Susans talk from Sunday on Charity. Note the Parable of the Garbage truck towards the end.

Good morning brothers and sisters. We have been asked as the Relief Society Presidency to speak to you today on the subject of Charity.

I am grateful, not necessarily to stand before you and speak today, but for the opportunity to prepare for this talk. I think I have read and studied every talk and article printed on that contained the word “charity”, and read every scripture reference from the topical guide. But more importantly I am grateful for the refining process that has been mine this week as I have tried to live and exercise this great theme of charity, and live my life in accordance to the Father’s will for me.

Charity is in many ways a misunderstood word. We often think of charity in terms of visiting the sick, taking in a meal to those in need or sharing our excess with the less fortunate. True charity is much more.

There are many well-known scriptures that identify and describe charity. I remember reading as a non-member child in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, as Paul talks on the importance of charity. He closes the chapter with verse 13, that reads….”And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three: but the greatest of these is charity.” This chapter can be cross-referenced with chapter 8 in Moroni, which will be discussed later.

The bible dictionary defines charity as…..the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; but the pure love of Christ. It should never be used to denote aims or deeds or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive. Preach My Gospel further defines charity as a gift from God.

To be able to develop this gift of charity, it is important to understand what is meant by “the pure love of Christ”. It is critical to understand this because we are told in 2 Nephi 26:30 that God has given a commandment that “all men should have charity or they are nothing.” Moroni 10:21 goes as far as saying that we cannot be saved in the kingdom of God unless we have charity. Charity is essential for our exaltation.

In a talk entitled the “Love of Christ” by Elder C. Max Caldwell of the Seventy, he discusses ‘love of Christ’ or charity as possibly having 3 different dimensions. They are a love for Christ, a love from Christ and love like Christ.

First, a love for Christ. This concept proclaims Jesus as the object of our love. Because of this love our lives should be an external expression of our gratitude for him. How deeply do we love Him? Does our love depend on favorable circumstances? Is it diminished or strengthened by our life’s experiences or trials? Is our love for him evident by our behavior and our attitude? Charity or love for Christ sustains us in every need and should influence us in every decision. As you continue to receive the Savior’s perfect love and as you demonstrate that Christlike love for others, you will find that your love increases. You will experience the joy of being in the Lord’s service.

The second dimension of the meaning of charity that Elder Caldwell discusses is love from Christ. Through his compliance with the requirements of the Atonement, Jesus Christ offered the ultimate expression of his love, by laying down his life for the world. Ether 12:34 states that “This love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity.” Part of the gift of charity is to be able to recognize the Lord’s hand and feel His love in all that surrounds us.

The third dimension of charity is to possess a love like Christ. Jesus Christ is the perfect example of charity. Jesus’ love was evident in everything he did during his short mortal ministry, a life full of service and sacrifice, always showing tender compassion. As we study the life of Christ and keep his commandments we can become more like him and learn to see others through his eyes. The characteristics of the natural man will leave us and will be replaced by the heart and mind of Christ. The life of the Savior reflects his pure love for all people. As we become more fully converted to Christ we begin to treat others with patience and kindness and acceptance. Elder Gene R Cook stated that “charity calls upon us to purify our inner feelings and change our hearts to make our outward actions and appearance conform to what we say we believe and feel inside. Not to force others to do better but to inspire them to be better.”

People who have true charity exercise all three of these concepts; they have a love for the Savior, have received of his love, and love others as he does.

Having joined the church 15 years ago, the prophet that I identify most with is President Hinckley. Was there ever a better example of charity than sweet President Hinckley who gently and prophetically reminded us to “be a little kinder, a little more patient, a little better, a little more helpful, a little more forgiving, and a little more nobler in the daily affairs of life.” Did you realize all those times, that he was asking to exercise the gift of charity? He was even exercising charity in the way he asked, he never demanded and he only ever asked for a little.

A couple of weeks ago, I received one of those “thought for the day” type emails, that I now call the “Parable of the Garbage Truck”. For the sake of time I will quickly summarize it. It told of a gentleman who in the course of his normal work day was verbally attacked through no fault of his own. He sat there and smiled and accepted the tirade. When asked later by someone who witnessed what had occurred why he had not stood up to the person and explained it wasn’t his fault. He responded, that the person obviously was having a very bad day, maybe even a bad life and had a lot of toxic feelings that he needed to unload. If he could be that person’s garbage truck that day than he was happy to do so. Someday we may be someone’s garbage truck and some days we will need someone to be ours. From personal experience I have learned that although we all may have our ‘game faces’ on, behind every closed door is someone’s personal heartache.

One of my favorite hymns is “As Sisters in Zion”, the second verse reads: “The errand of angels is given to women, and this is a gift that as sisters, we claim”. I pray that in my life and especially in this calling, that as a daughter of God, I can always be worthy of this great gift of charity that has been given and entrusted to me and that I might always exercise it on His behalf to answer prayers and to bless and lift those around me.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Parable of the Cracked Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am shamed
of myself, and I want to apologize to you." Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said. The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this
beauty to grace his house."

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there. There is a lot of good in us! Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it--if it hadn't been for the crackpots in my life, it would have been pretty boring and not so interesting...

Author Unknown

Monday, September 8, 2008

Brain fog lifting

Friday, Saturday and Sunday I was more then tired, I was very sleepy. Although I had much to accomplish, I chose to stay in bed most of the days sleeping. That is one thing I learned from the liver doctor, that the liver regenerates when you sleep. Its very important. So I felt like my body knew what it needed and I allowed myself to sleep without guilt. I've continued to swim once each day. After lots of sleeping, I know am feeling much better. My mind is clearing. Words come to me. Its so odd. The brain fog seemed to be part of who I was. Now I'm very chatty, almost wanting to talk non-stop.
I've been able to spend some time with my kids. I needed that. Going through tx I felt a disconnect. I think it was the medication and the brain fog. Seems like now I'm able to put my feelings in the words I couldn't find before.
Still seems like I need to listen to my body. Tonight I was invited out but after I was dressed I realized that was more then I was able to handle. I just called and told my friends I wasn't able to go. A headache was coming on. Must remember to drink the water. I still need to have discipline with my supplements, food, water, sleep, exercise.
Still feel that I'm fragile and must be careful or I'll pay the price.

Thursday, September 4, 2008


Today I woke up early to go do Temple work. My daughter and I argued. My fault, not feeling good. When I got to the Temple I realized my eyes hurt and could barely keep them open. So I went home. I was exhausted and went to bed. Seems like my body clock is out of whack. The doorbell woke me and there were two ladies from Church with lunch for me. They were dressed so beautiful. Both these laddies are beautiful already inside and out. Here I am with my dirty house coat on again. They saw me at my worse. Thats ok, its real life. And these two friends are always so lovely. But I was so tired and couldn't talk to them for more then a minute. It made me realize how lonely I am. Wish they hadn't come so early. I have my internet forum friends and I'm so grateful for them, but really would love to call send numbers people. We can cheer each other up. Anyway, I ate some of the lunch,then went right back to bed. Don't know if I was fatigued or facing a new depression coming on. Its difficult to tell. I saw a friend on facebook that shared with me his HCV is back. That was his second go around. He has the same genotype as me. I think hearing this made me sad for him and his family. It makes me sad for all of us with this virus.
Today I was so tired I stayed in bed. I made myself go swim. It was almost 2100 by then. My arms had little strength and I could only do two laps. What is happening to me? I finished my meds over a month ago and I felt worse today. I've been told again and again to be patient. I must be easy on myself. I must be. Even pushing myself is not working. writing tonight is difficult. I didn't think I could till I started writting then needed to express some feelings about the day.

Today I also watched a youtube video from this film writer/director who got hep-c. I learned more about this virus. The name hep-c is so misleading and he told of how it almost got its own name because of this. It should have since its so different from hep a or hep b. This virus also affects many organs. This video explains it in a wonderful way. After watching this, I am thankful to find out I had this virus. So many have it and they don't know it. I'm also afraid of getting it back. Now at the doctor, dentist, and anywhere someone pokes me, I'll ask lots of questions. This man in the video got hcv from having gum work at the dentist. I also warned my daughter to bring her own tools when getting a pedicure. Also her own polish.

I'm amazed I have this virus that the public knows little about. Also has a sigma attached. I'm doing my best to tell others to get tested. This test is not part of most physicals in the U.S. That must change. I'm lucky my doctor tested me for this or I would be going through life thinking I'm just getting old and tired.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Tuesday .....better

Yesterday my Sister in law called. Through the conversation I realized I needed calcium=magnesium. I took some supplements and also drank a couple of protein smoothies. Before bed I took a hot bath with bath salts. I had no pain by the time I went to sleep. I slept throughout the night. Woke up with a headache, I drank more water plus taking more of the calcium. I'm just doing the things I feel may work. Seems to be helping. I did swim tonight but I shortened the duration of the swim. I will again try the hot bath to help soreness and helping me sleep.

A friend from Church brought lunch by for me. I hadn't seen her for a long time. We talked just a minute. It was nice to see her and have her bring food. Someone will be bringing me lunch on Tuesday and Thursday. So nice. I had to learn to let people serve me. This has taken some pressure off of me for lunches. And I get to see some friends I haven't seen for a long time. Even if I'm wearing my house coat.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Still Monday Sept 1

I want to post how I'm feeling. The news is not good. Not well at all. I have had very little sleep for three nights. Last night I was in so much pain, my pain pills wouldn't work. My pain was still a ten. It may be pain from my muscles breaking down. I've been swimming each day, some times twice a day. Then I began to take walks. I haven't done so much for 6 months so maybe its a normal response to exercise. In some ways I feel like I'm still on tx by the unknown of how I'll feel each day. I think I'll take a hot bath with mineral salts and see if it helps tonight. Strange it almost feels like the riba feeling has come back. Harder to breathe. MYS told me the ribas take a while to get out of our system. Next week I should be improving. I'm glad I'm posting so much. It will be interesting to look back on tx and the daily battle.

Monday (Family Home Evening lesson)

In my home we have a night called Family Home Evening. That is a night the family or friends do an activity or lesson followed by a dessert. Since my life is reflected on this blog I thought I'd post the lesson I've given or been given on Mondays. (Sorry can't get the dessert to you : )

Saturday September 20, 2003
The following story was taken from a post made in the LDS forums:
The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window.

"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged.. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it ... "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in .. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.